IT'S been a good week for ... seasonal warnings

INVERNESS revellers, take heed if you want to avoid seeing flashing blue fairy lights. Local police have been tweeting warnings to the tune of the 1930s Christmas song Santa Claus Is Coming To Town.

The tweets from @InvernessPolice begin: “You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not fight I'm telling you why, Police Scotland's coming to town.”

The seasonal ditty continues: "He sees you when you're thieving, he knows when you're gonna breach. He knows if you're wanted or not, so you better take heed of this speech."

Another tweet warns: “If you're going to drink drive, you better think twice, The Constables know if you're naughty or nice. Police Scotland's coming to town.”

All good advice, although I think the polis in Inverness lost their poetic licence a while ago. They might be on the beat, but their scanning’s terrible.

It’s been a bad week for ... panto

Did she learn her lines? Oh no, she didn’t! Entertainer Stacey Solomon angered a pantomime audience by reading lines from a clipboard on the show's opening day.

The singer, who plays Fairy Bowbells in Dick Whittington at Milton Keynes Theatre, appeared onstage clutching the sparkly prop a day after returning from Australia.

The producer said it was a "prompt" to ensure a smooth show, but some panto fans described her use of the clipboard as "a sham" and "embarrassing". Another suggested the part should have been given to someone who "had time to rehearse and didn't double-book work".

Christopher Marsh, a theatre company actor, described it as "disrespectful and "unacceptable", given tickets for the show cost between £14 and £35.

Solomon's representative said the singer hadn't had time to learn her lines or rehearse with the rest of the cast because she had been co-hosting ITV's I'm A Celebrity Extra Camp in Australia.

Pantomime producer Kevin Wood said: "Stacey chose to take to the stage having just returned from the jungle as she didn't want to disappoint her fans by not appearing in the show.”

The script was a "prompt" to ensure the show ran smoothly, and she "should be applauded for her professionalism", he added.

So she’s not really a pumpkin after all, then. And anyway, I’m sure she’ll put it all behind her.