Coffin flyers
OUR hearse story reminds David Will: “On a family holiday in the 1950s, on a farm in County Donegal, we used to walk to the ‘one street town’ of Dunkineely, where my father would treat us to an ice cream. 
“On one such trip we had to clear the road for a speeding hearse, belonging to Timony’s, an emporium in Donegal Town that catered for all your needs ‘from the cradle to the grave’. How did we know this –from the handful of advertising flyers the driver threw from his open window as he sped past.”

Not very PC
MICROSOFT has raised the price of its PCs by as much as 15 per cent in the UK because of the plummeting value of the pound since the vote to leave the EU. A reader explains to us: “Well if here is a company that knows a thing or two about things crashing ... ”

Singin’ the blues
ACTRESS Tilda Swinton is the bookies’ favourite to be the next Dr Who. We remember folk singer Jim Wilkie once telling us that he had to help Tilda sing a song in Gaelic for the TV series Your Cheatin’ Heart.
The struggling, but ever polite, Tilda eventually said to him: “The problem here, is that one appears to be reaching for sounds that one has never heard before.”
Incidentally, if you scroll through the odds for the next Dr Who on the Ladbrokes site you eventually come to Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn at 250/1.

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Ageing lingerie
OUR story about lingerie chain Ann Summers closing its Sauchiehall Street store leads to Mary Duncan telling us: “When I do a washing, it all goes out on the line except our underwear – that gets thrown up on to the old kitchen pulley.  My visiting son looked up at it one day and said, ‘It’s like the geriatric department of Ann Summers in here’.”

Bit of a gamble
TODAY’S piece of daftness comes from Scott Hoad, who asks: “Who’s rubbish at poker? Let’s see a show 
of hands.”

Three coins in a pocket
A BEARSDEN reader writes to us: 
“I just put on a jacket I had not worn for a while. I found three £1 coins in a pocket. I could have purchased Rangers FC, Prestwick Airport and British Home Stores.”

Grim up north
THE assassination of North Korea leader Kim Jong Un’s brother reminds a reader: “I used to have a pen pal in North Korea. I once asked him what conditions were like, and he replied, ‘Oh I can’t complain’.”

Chip off the block
A READER hears a conversation in 
a  Glasgow pub about what people would like to have written on their gravestones – that’s the level of bleak debate you sometimes get at this time of year. He liked the comment of the chap who said: “What about ‘It didn’t make me stronger’.”

Office gossip
A COLLEAGUE engages me in conversation and announces: 
“I loathe indecisive people. Well, loathe’s a strong word.”