Apple of his eye

SOUTH side reader Alan Stephen tells us a friend went to the aid of an aged shopper in the supermarket, walking slowly with a Zimmer frame, and asked him if he needed any help. Says Alan: “He took her to the wine section and asked if she could help carry his choice of four single litres of an inexpensive cider, and declared that ‘It was better than a’ they pills they gie ye’.”

A belter

GROWING old continued. A Milngavie reader passes on: “I had a great round of golf at the weekend and was thinking as I drove home afterwards that I was doing really great for my age.

“I then struggled to get out of the car as I’d forgotten to unclip my seat-belt.”

Horsing around

AFTER our story about Police Scotland always naming their horses after Scottish place names, a reader swears blind that when the old Strathclyde force acquired a white horse, it was named Larkhall.

And sports writer Matt Vallance recalls: “Years ago I turned up early at Kilmarnock’s Rugby Park, to find one of the mounties doing dressage moves with his horse in the car park. When I asked why, I was told, ‘He’s a bit frisky today, so, if I don’t work him to calm him down, he’ll probably kick a few fans, just for the hell of it’.”

Just for the record

OF course one of the more memorable police horse images was when the late Alex Cameron of the Daily Record was nudged by a police horse outside Hampden. The film clip of Alex angrily turning, not realising it was a horse, was shown around the world.

Alex himself said later: “In Brisbane a man stopped me in the street and said, ‘What a laugh you gave us.’ It had been on an Australian edition of It’ll be All Right On The Night. I just wish, given the amount of times it was shown, I owned the copyright.”

What a send-off

TODAY’S piece of whimsy comes from a reader who says: “It’s a fact alcohol increases the size of your phone’s send button by 80 per cent.”

Undercover work

SAYS John Mulholland: “The story about the ropeworks reminded me of a tale told years ago about an underwear factory that was experiencing stock losses.

“The owner suspected theft and checked employees’ bags but no undergarments were found. It was then decided to have spot checks on staff in case they were wearing multiple sets of underwear, but again, they were wrong.

“It was some time before they worked out that some staff were arriving with no underwear at all and were simply putting on some before they went home.”

Zounds right

AN Ayrshire reader was in his golf club when a fellow member made the observation: “Do you know, I’ve travelled all over the world, slept in huts when doing my National Service, but in all these years I’ve never heard one person making zzz sounds when they sleep .”

Slow down

A GLASGOW reader emails: “I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.”