THE storm that whooped up over the McDonald’s "dead dad" commercial is now abating. The advert was pulled from TV and cinema screens last week, following complaints from the public and some UK charities that it "exploited childhood bereavement". No doubt, this short-lived campaign (only surviving one out of its planned nine-week run) will now take star-billing in the "how not to" modules of marketing and MBA courses across the globe.

The 90-second ad features a young boy aged around 11, sitting in his bedroom, pondering his dead father as he lovingly handles his dad’s old watch and spectales. Scene two: the boy is walking with his mother through their housing estate (somewhere in the North), across the local football pitch then onwards and upwards to McDonalds.

As they ramble along, the boy continually asks what his dad was really like. The mother responds in a patient, good-humoured sort of way (though by the expression in her eyes and the sad-but-hopeful music tinkling in the background, we know that deep down, she must be heartbroken). Third and final scene: boy munching on Filet O Fish burger in McDonald’s restaurant and mother says: “That was your dad’s favourite, too.”

Clearly, the intention of the Mad Men (or women) who dreamed up this ad was to convey a sense of resolution and closure, an acceptance that life can throw some difficult stuff at us, but that we – and the world – have to carry on (while the pain of our grieving process is eased by a small, everyday, affordable treat courtesy of McDonald’s).

Childhood bereavement is a deeply complex and organic process where the notion of closure really does not apply. Instead, the life of the child who experiences such early and catastrophic loss, is profoundly altered and the grief they experience changes as they grow throughout childhood and adolescence, continuing into adulthood. Their lives are shaped and informed by loss (though not necessarily in a negative way).

The concept of death for a three-year-old is poles apart from that of a seven- or 11-year-old. For the pre-school child, death is neither universal nor permanent, but more an onslaught of non-negotiable and distressing changes where mummy or daddy can no longer do things with them or for them (no more cuddles, no more bedtime stories or being pushed on a swing, no more scraped knees kissed better).

For the three-year-old, mummy or daddy doesn't so much exist as a separate individual with a life and personality of their own, than as an extension of the child’s inner world and their need for love and existential security.

For a seven-year-old, the death of a parent is altogether different because by that age the child is able to recognise that their parent is a separate entity and their concept of death is more realistic – they understand that the dead parent will not be coming back and has gone for good (even if they sometimes fantasise otherwise, deep down the child will have a grasp of the permanent nature of death). A bereaved seven-year-old will feel different to other children and be self-conscious about their loss. They can often feel shame about being "abandoned" by their parent, or guilt at being unable to keep their parent alive.

A child who experiences the death of a parent around the age of 11 or 12, will have had a much more developed relationship with that mother or father and have a strong sense of the dead parent’s identity and role in the world. They are not only losing that special person who looked after them and loved them unconditionally, they are losing their sense of a safe future as they teeter on the brink of adolescence (with all the challenges it entails).

A child of 12 is also much more attuned to the pain experienced by the surviving parent and siblings and this often intensifies their own grief. They will also have accumulated more memories and shared experiences of the dead parent.

To survive bereavement, all children need to be helped to feel safe again. This requires much patience, understanding, thoughtfulness and commitment. Bereaved families should be offered access to professional advice, support and care to help them reconfigure their lives and rebuild a sense of hope for the future. Too often, the bereaved child is the invisible mourner, unseen and misunderstood.

Given that one in 29 children in the UK has suffered the loss of a parent or sibling, they are not exactly a minority. We can rant about the cynicism of McDonald’s, cashing in on the emotive bandwagon, but – whether they intended to or not – they have, at least, raised awareness of the needs of children who suffer truly life-changing loss.