THIS great country of ours stands at a crossroads. I’m sorry, I am starting to sound like a politician.

Allow me to rephrase. This aw’right-I-suppose country stands about wondering what is going to happen next. And I can unexclusively reveal that what is going to happen next, at least in Great Scotia – the country currently under advisement in this monograph – is a minor earthquake.

That minor earthquake will be caused by a major change proposed in a quite disgraceful report commissioned by Holyrood’s Presiding Orifice, Kenneth “Ken” Macintosh (Labour), and prepared by John “John” McCormick, who used to control BBC Scotland.

In his report, Mr McCormick, if you can even call him that, calls for there to be less “waffle” at Holyrood and for some of the pantomime aspects of the place to be discarded. You can imagine the shockwaves this caused in the bars and backbenches around EH8.

In scenes reminiscent of the launch of a new Harry Potter book, queues of “ordinary, decent, working-class people”©® had formed earlier at Her Majesty’s Stationery Office prior to the much anticipated report being made available and, within hours of reading it, rioting had broken out in several rural areas.

And no wonder. This persecution of our politicians has to stop.

They’re not “waffling”. They are marshalling their thoughts. They are thinking while on their feet at the same time – not as easy as it looks. Besides which, even seated, they cannot answer questions willy-nilly.

There is much that Scotland can learn from our cousins south of the Border and from their top politicians such as Boris Johnson, the future Prime Minister (according to leading astrologers).

Interviewed on BBC Radio 4’s PM programme, Mr Johnson gave a masterclass in unambiguous obfuscation, effortlessly avoiding difficult questions such as: “What is the point of the Prime Minister?” This was with regard to her being unable to deliver her manifesto promises.

Mr Johnson averred: “The point of the Prime Minister is to lead the country, to give a … er … lead on these key issues.” Taking the tide at the flood, he added: “I think one thing in particular that we are looking at is measures to … hang on a second [sound of papers being shuffled] … there are all sorts of measures …”

Petering out magnificently, Mr Johnson emerged into daylight to find that he’d triggered a viral storm on yonder internet where leading philosopher and pugilist, John Prescott, a former deputy prime minister (incredibly enough), said: “The worst interview by a politician EVER.”

Though he declined to use multiple exclamation marks, this was still rich coming from a statesman whose reputation for loquacity was never conclusively, or even partially, demonstrated.

Alas, poor Boris. Were it not for his well-considered disdain for Scotland, he could become First Minister here, perhaps with Dianne Abbott as his deputy in a Coalition of Incoherence.

At the moment, the knives are out for our First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon, who was built up for the time-honoured purpose of being knocked down.

As part of the latter process, Mr so-called McCormick’s commission doesn’t want SNP people chairing committees, as this is unfair just because they were massively voted in.

Labour’s Johann Lamont, who served on the commission (explains a lot), said: “Bluntly, parliamentary business has not always accurately reflected the concerns, interests and priorities of the Labour Party.” Sorry, I misquoted her there: not “Labour Party”; “Scottish people”; so easy to confuse the two.

Other commission tactics, sorry recommendations, include not letting the First Minister research answers at First Minister’s Questions and doing away with the “pointless” rigmarole whereby party leaders open proceedings with a scripted question about her diary.

This is not “Can the First Minister confirm whether her diary is leather-bound and fits in the pocket?”, but: “To ask the First Minister what engagements she has planned for the rest of the week, ken?”

I cannot see the problem with this. It’s just really an ice-breaker, like at a party.

As an alternative, I would be quite happy for opposition leaders to say: “Good afternoon, First Minister. And what do you do?” It gets things going nicely and has no nasty note of controversy.

In a week which saw the monarch dressing down for the Queen’s Speech, and former Labour leader Edward “Ed” Miliband growling death metal on Radio 2, a feeling is abroad that the old dull but dependable traditions are dying.

To paraphrase American writer Sinclair Lewis, the problem with this country is the number of people who go about saying, “The problem with this country … ”

Mr alleged Macintosh’s trouble-causing commission is no exception. Its irresponsible recommendations should be – hang on a second [sound of papers rustling] – thrown out, lock, stock and, er, wotsname.