Mooch ado about nothing

THE one-liners began within minutes of the announcement that the volatile White House communications director, Anthony (‘the Mooch’) Scaramucci, had been axed after just 10 days. Among the best ones:

* From Lewis Donaghy via Twitter: “Travel agents should definitely adopt the #Scaramucci as a measure of time; ‘2 weeks can feel like too long - a Scaramucci is just right’.”

* The Diary colleague who quipped she’d spent longer on the phone to the HMRC tax helpline than Scaramucci had lasted in his post

* A tweet that said: “FYI - if you bought milk the day Scaramucci was hired, it’s still good”.

* And another that read: “Between being canned this week & his wife filing for divorce last week, Scaramucci is one dead dog away from becoming a country music song”.

Diary reader John Henderson says: “It’s official – the Mooch is leaving his job to spend more time with his – oh, wait …”

John adds: “I’m about to leave for the US. Heaven knows who will replace Scaramucci and be sacked by the time my plane lands”.

Food for thought

RUSSELL Smith expresses the fervent hope that National Orgasm Day, celebrated in Australia, USA and the UK on Monday, was enjoyed by all and passed without serious incident. After all, he says, “it’s time we adopted a healthier diet free from synthetic pesticides and artificial additives”.

Hope springs eternal

JOB interviews, more of. Alistair Fraser says his father was paid off in the autumn of 1962 from his job as a pattern maker in a foundry in Stevenston. He and his mates went for an interview at the local Buroo, only to be told there was no work for his trade but that things might pick up in the following spring. As he left, one of his pals asked him how he had got on. “That guy in there”, he replied, “thinks I’m a daffodil”.

Slice of luck

NORMAN Brown reports that the esteemed comedian Fred MacAulay was taking part in the Scottish Ladies’ Open Pro-am event at Dundonald Links last week. On the first tee Fred announced: “I make people laugh for a living” - and proceeded to hit a horrible slice. There was utter silence in the crowd then someone was heard saying: “Ho ho ho!”

Collared

JIM Harris, reading yesterday’s recollection by Andy Cameron, says the Cambridge Street shirt-shop that Andy visited was called Esquire. “After having your hair cut at Fusco’s in the same street you visited Esquire to have your shirt made to measure. My favourite style”, he adds, “was the Billy Eckstine”. (US jazz and pop singer, 1914-1993 - thanks, Wikipedia).

We’ll meet again

DOUGIE Campbell tells us about a man making his first visit to Germany and, in a restaurant, asking for a traditional dish.

He’s offered sauerkraut and sausage. What’s sauerkraut?, he asks. Cabbage, he is told.

The waiter comes back with a plate of cabbage. The man asks, Oi, where’s the sausage?

Says the waiter, “The wurst is yet to come”.

Reading the signs

THANKS to Malcolm Allan, Margie Dobson and (on heraldscotland) Fraser Kelly for correcting the Union Jack reference in the Dunkirk film review by ‘Nigel’. As Margie writes: “Poor Nigel! Obviously so far from our maritime heritage that he doesn’t know that flying the Union Flag upside down is a distress signal”.