Not fade away

GOOD to see Glasgow-born songwriter Bill Martin of "Congratulations" fame going on stage at the Edinburgh Fringe to talk about his career. Gordon Wright tell us that Bill confided that he had met Stones' singer Mick Jagger recently and commented on the number of wrinkles on his face. "They're laughter lines," replied Mick.

"Nothing's that funny," said Govan-born Bill.

Bit of a handicap

THE late Bruce Forsyth was of course a keen golfer, and in the seventies he took part in a pro/celebrity golf match at Gleneagles which included Sean Connery, Bing Crosby and Burt Lancaster. Bruce later recalled in his biography that there was a reception and dinner afterwards in the hotel, and the following morning the hall porter found actor George C Scot asleep in a chair, still wearing his dinner suit.

When the porter gently woke him and asked if he could get him anything, George C replied: "Get me a cab. I'm going home."

"What about your clubs Mr Scott?" continued the porter.

"Burn 'em" said the actor.

Stairway to nowhere

ROCK fans are delighted with the news that Led Zeppelin lead singer Robert Plant is to perform in Glasgow this November. It reminds us of when Led Zep performed at Green's Playhouse in the seventies and were staying at the Central Hotel. Our sister paper the Evening Times reported that the band, including Plant and guitarist Jimmy Page, were denied entrance to the hotel's restaurant because they were not wearing ties.

Roadie Pat collins told the Times: "We argued with the manager as we wanted something to eat. We asked the manager to give us ties but he refused."

The row ended with the band and its entourage moving out to another hotel. So Glasgow wasn't quite rock'n'roll back then.

An Ayrshire compliment

TALKING about bands, Eric Stewart tells us his band of more mature rockers, Auld Skool, were playing in an Ayrshire pub recently where a young lady sitting on a stool enjoying the music told them: "Youse are brilliant. Mind you, you don’t look as if yer gonny be brilliant”.

Weight off her mind

A WEST end reader heard a woman being asked by her pal if she had lost anything after going on a sugar-free diet. "Aye," she replied. "The will to live."

Glasgow support

AFTER news broke that Glasgow comedian Susan Calman is to appear on Strictly Come Dancing this year, Susan revealed: "I was at the shops. A man shouted, 'Good luck in the dancing wee yin! We'll love you even if you're rubbish'.

"I belong to Glasgow."

That sinking feeling

PLANS are afoot to renovate Glasgow's rather tired looking Sauchiehall Street. It reminds reader David Geyer in Kilcreggan: "Years ago by brother-in-law was driving along Sauchiehall Street towing his boat when he was run into by a double-decker bus. On filling in the insurance claim form for his boat he was asked 'Where did the wreck occur?' His reply of Sauchiehall Street prompted a furious call from the insurers who thought he was playing the fool."

It's a dog's life

GOOD to see a Glasgow vet practice is not afraid of the word "tenuous". Pets 'n' Vets which runs a number of surgeries around Glasgow has begun a new style of minimally invasive keyhole surgery for neutering and biopsies on dogs on the 40th anniversary of the death of American film star Groucho Marx. And the connection with Groucho? He once joked that "Outside of a dog a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read" and the keyhole surgery shines a light on the inside of dogs, say the vets.