DAVID Dimbleby is quitting as presenter of BBC Television’s Question Time at the end of this year, leading to hopes that the series could be scrapped. I’ll be quite candid with you here and confess I haven’t watched it for about a decade, which makes me perfectly qualified to rubbish the programme objectively.

In allowing the public to speak, Question Time has undermined faith in democracy. In my view, and that of most other top philosophers, the public should be seen and not heard. True, Question Time has allowed political issues to be presented, but this could be better achieved with educational and informative cartoons.

Question Time is notoriously Anglo-centric and, until recently, it became a weekly duty for nationalist tweeters to point out that, once more, no one from the SNP was on, despite the party being the third biggest at Westminster.

This went on for ages, until last month, when the nation was astounded to find three nominally pro-Yes Scots on the panel of five, though two were flip-floppy and liable to go off on one.

Lib Dems, with just 12 seats, get on from time to time, and Nigel Farage, whose UKIP has an estimated zero seats, never seems to be off it, leading to sarcastic speculation that he could replace the Dimbler in the chair.

So who could be the new interruptor?Andrew Marr has been mentioned. He’s suspected of being Scottish but, otherwise, appears quite personable.To date, however, he’s been unable to fend of allegations of being male. Others similarly afflicted include Andrew Neil (another sort of Scot; this is getting worrying), Evan Davies and Nick Robinson.

None of these is exactly famed for objectivity. Davies was found to have breached the rules of impartiality during the French presidential election last year. Robinson is well remembered in Scotland for editing out Alex Salmond’s answer to a question and then claiming that the portly Nat demi-god hadn’t answered it. It would be impractical for him to chair the show if he was going to edit out all the answers.

Comedian Frankie Boyle has also been mentioned, but it’s thought he might find the dark comedy of proceedings too distressing. Still, it would be worth it to hear him tell a politician: “It’s not often I say this but you should stick your face in a meat-grinder and go and live in the woods.” Or telling the audience that they looked like “a holding pen for the Jeremy Kyle show”. Which, for a Question Time audience, would be a compliment.

None of these people stands any chance anyway on account of their disturbing genitalia. Severely affected by what’s now called hyper-liberalism, the BBC is bound to be politically correct so, at the very least, the new presenter will definitely be female, if that is still a gender.

A couple of Kirsties are in the frame, which is discombobulating as, again, both are controversially Scottish. That said, you could hardly tell with Kirsty Young, presenter of Radio 4’s Desert Island Discs, so she might get away with it, having gone native with her accent some time ago.

Kirsty Wark is famed for her feistiness but is known to be a friend of Labour’s Lord Jack McConnell – is there anyone left in Labour who isn’t a lord? – which is not something anyone would willingly have on their CV.

Actually, he’s all right is our Jack. A bigger problem for any candidate is the salary, which is thought to be just £450,000 a year, meaning they’d have to consider taking on part-time work to make ends meet.

Dimbleby still runs his own plumbing business and, according to his LinkedIn profile, is also available for minor roof repairs, fencing, and snow-clearing.

You might think I’m making that up but here’s an indisputable fact: he has a scorpion tattooed on his back. Got it done when he was 75. The reason was never made clear. Perhaps he just fancied a pair of grasping pedipalps above his buttocks.

Of course, what really needs replacing on Question Time is the audience. Lord knows where they get them from – probably that small pool of people who can watch Question Time without phoning the Samaritans afterwards.

It all tends towards the lowest common denominator, with the debate dominated by tabloid tropes, leaving an impression of an electorate that’s frightfully misinformed.

Despite trying to get interesting and eccentric guests on, Question Time is not a place for original thought, or hope, or signs of sentient life. As with The Archers on the radio, the very theme tune is enough to get many Scots springing up to switch it off.

I don’t see any of our Kirsties being able to change that. They’d be worth tapping for a tenner, though.