Drive a bargain

THAT great son of Dundee, Eddie Mair, is leaving the BBC. He will be missed. Always liked the story of when supermarkets introduced loyalty cards, Eddie mused on air that not to be outdone, he would introduce a loyalty card for regular listeners. Unfortunately folk took him seriously and applied. Eddie and his crew quickly arranged benefits for his loyal listeners - including 10% off meals at a restaurant in Adelaide, Australia, and two quid off any trip costing more than a tenner from a particularly sporting taxi driver in Cardiff.

Snatched a bargain

YES, the barbecues are being well used in Scotland just now. Hugh Walsh in Dalry tells us: "Enjoying a walk down Ayr High Street, I overheard the following conversation from two ladies. 'Did you enjoy the barbecue Jeanie?' 'Aye, but some b****** stole my bottle of gin.' 'Was that the gin you bought from the shop lifter?'"

Says Hugh: "Just shows you can't trust anyone these days."

Feeling horny

SOMEHOW we got into debates about blind people driving. Lon McIlwraith tells us his local pub landlord bought his young wife a Volkswagen Beetle which has rows of raised dots on the steering wheel so that you can find the horn without having to take your eye off the road. The landlord told Lon that his wife thought it was very thoughtful of VW to put braille on the steering wheel.

Plastered

CONGRATULATIONS on writer and rapper Darren McGarvey winning The Orwell Prize for his thoughtful book Poverty Safari which explains the bleak reality of making ends meet in Glasgow's Pollok housing scheme. Coincidentally Darren now lives in East Kilbride where George Orwell tried to write his novel 1984 while being treated in Hairmyres Hospital for TB. The famous book's completion was delayed however as the strict ward sister confiscated Orwell's typewriter stating it was hindering his recovery, and even ordered his arm to be put in a stookie to stop him from writing.

Fantasy football

SO Andy Murray has pulled out of Wimbledon this year. A frantic England supporter more interested in the World Cup than a tennis tournament contacts us: "Andy Murray didn't play Wimbledon in 1966 and now he's not playing Wimbledon in 2018. Yet another pointer that the World Cup's coming home."

Just pottering

GROWING old continued. Says a Hillhead reader: "When the second Harry Potter book came out I was happy to read it all in the one day. Now if I get a text that is more than two sentences long my reaction is that I don't have the time to read it."

Fair enough

MUSIC fans are saddened by the death of veteran music writer and former New Musical Express editor Roy Carr who, in a roundabout way, owed his writing career to holidaying Glaswegians. Roy told the story that he was in the band that was supporting the Rolling Stones when they played Blackpool's Winter Gardens during the Glasgow Fair in 1964. One of the Stones kicked a Glasgow chap trying to get on the stage, a riot ensued, a Steinway piano was trashed, and Blackpool Council banned the Stones. Roy phoned the Daily Express to tip them off, and the fee they paid him was more than he earned from playing that night, so he decided to become a journalist instead.

Holiday plug

READY for your holidays? Simon Holland confesses: "Sorry I spent the first five hours of our family holiday connecting everything to the wifi."