Taxing time

OUR old chum Alan Stewart passes on: "You know you are in Glasgow when ... it’s close to midnight and a guy on a phone outside of the Citation bar/restaurant in the old Sheriff Court is calling a cab saying, ‘Can you send a taxi round to Sanitation please?’"

Any more stories of how you know you are in Glasgow?

Ear ear

THE Herald coverage of Scots group Runrig's farewell concerts in Stirling takes us back to when our old colleague and onetime music reviewer David Belcher, who originally hails from Manchester, was accused in a biography of Runrig of disliking their music because he wasn't Scottish. David, rather pungently wrote a response in The Herald in which he stated: "My dislike for Runrig is principally because I have ears."

At your gran's

KENNY Hardie in Stewarton says: "I came out of a shop today in rainy weather and heard a voice behind me saying, 'I know you're miserable, but when we get to granny's, I'll rub you down and you'll be fine.' I turned round and saw a man talking to his dog. I'm not sure if it was his granny he meant, or the dog's granny, but I didn't want to ask."

Need a long spoon

SOMETIMES you have to shake your head at your fellow Scots. South African singer Marah Louw who wowed the crowds in Glasgow’s George Square when Nelson Mandela was given the Freedom of the City in 1993, returns this month to perform at a fundraising dinner at the Hilton to raise money for a statue to Mandela. She wrote in her autobiography that her husband of nearly 20 years came from Fife, Scotland. He asked for a divorce, and when she asked why, he told her she was “fat and ugly”. Good on you girl for explaining: “I said to him that I may not look like a model, but I am not ugly either inside or out.” Surely that’s not the normal Fife charm?

Searching question

WE asked for your tales of embarrassment and John Scougall admits: "My wife and I about to leave the house when my oldest daughter phoned me on my mobile. As I was talking to her I was going round the living room lifting up cushions, lifting magazines and checking drawers. Then I heard my wife shout out, 'Please tell me you’re not looking for your phone’...."

Give it a spin

CONCERNS still remain for House of Fraser's future after many of the major brands said they did not want to go back in the stores under new owner Mike Ashely unless they were paid what they were owed by the previous owners. As John Henderson ruefully puts it: "House of Fraser staff must yearn for the security of the good old days of Hugh Fraser going on a lost weekend bingeing millions on the roulette wheel."

Elementary

SO what's happening at the Edinburgh Fringe? Toby Virgo dresses up as Sherlock Holmes and leads tourists on a walking tour of Edinburgh where Holmes author Conan Doyle lived. Handing out leaflets for the show at the weekend he was approached by a young Irish lad who told him he was Moriarty. Moriarty was of course Sherlock's arch-enemy so Toby gave the chap a weary smile but he insisted - and took out his Irish passport to show that he was in fact Mark Moriarty. It impressed Toby enough to give the lad a free ticket for the next tour.

Peddling a myth

OUR tales of Millport on Cumbrae remind Malcolm Allan in Bishopbriggs: "When I visit the Cumbrae, I am occasionally asked by cyclists is it better to turn right or left to cycle round the island on leaving the ferry. The reply? If you cycle clockwise it's ten and a half miles, but if you are short of time or energy, turn right and go anti-clockwise when it's only nine miles. Most believe me."