Time for bed

WE asked for your Freshers' Week stories and Dr Duncan Sim in Hyndland tells us: "Like many others of my age, I was the first generation to go to university and was convinced everyone would be far brainier than me. I also found the organised chaos of Freshers Week pretty overwhelming, so I found a quiet corner of the lounge in the Students Union to read the paper for a few minutes. Suddenly, the door burst open, dozens of students poured in, switched the television on and began to watch The Magic Roundabout. That was the point when I realised that I was going to survive university."

Road to Dundee

THE new V&A design museum opens in Dundee this week, and travel guide Lonely Planet says the city is now a "must visit" destination. It was not always the case. We remember years ago our old chum, motoring writer Alan Douglas, telling us he has picked up an S-type Jaguar with an electronic navigation system which included a "points of interest" option. As he was heading towards his native Dundee, Alan programmed the system for the jewel of the Tay. It flickered for a moment and then came up with the answer that there were no points of interest in Dundee.

Mince

TALKING of Dundonians, broadcaster Eddie Mair has started his new job with radio station LBC. We don't want to check with our old colleague Jackie Bird in case she denies it, but we were once told that when Eddie worked on Reporting Scotland he knew that co-host Jackie was to read out a story about a chap appearing in court accused of hitting Old Firm footballer Mo Johnson in the face with a pie. As we heard it, Eddie had secretly heated a pie in the news room microwave and dumped it on Jackie's lap while she read out the story in the hope of provoking a reaction. Like the trooper she is, Jackie carried on regardless.

Bit of a card

GROWING old, continued. Says Ron Beaton in Dunblane: "I attempted to open a cardboard container with my bare hands, but with no success. Next, I tried scissors. Still no joy. Last attempt was to attack with a knife, resulting in the container bursting open, spilling its contents over the floor. Bending down to pick up the container I spot the words, 'Open other end'. Grey hair does not suggest wisdom."

What's it called?

THE Herald's obituary of sultry actress Fenella Fielding mentioned her appearing in the bonkers film financed by Cumbernauld Development Corporation in the seventies, Cumbernauld Hit, in which she played a Bond-like villain. Interviewed years later by The Herald she recalled: "I knew Cumbernauld was a new town and the film was to publicise it in a jeu d'esprit, and at the time, it was quite experimental. I was there for about two weeks and I think Cumbernauld was possibly rather good." Our interviewer asked if she had ever been back to Cumbernauld since then and recorded: "'No,' she says, a little sheepishly."

Trollied

KENNY Reid was in a lift at Edinburgh's Royal Infirmary when a member of staff pushing a patient on a trolley was unable to get in the lift as it was crowded and decided to get another one. As the lift ascended a little boy commented on the trolley and his grandmother angrily replied: "It was a lady, not a carcass!”

Says Kenny: "The boy's mother diffused matters by saying, 'He said it was maybe a car crash.' I wasn’t sure if my laughter was appreciated."

Between the covers

THE latest attack on President Donald Trump is the new book by respected investigative journalist Bob Woodward entitled Fear which categorises the chaos in the White House. However as one American put it: "Criticising Trump in a book is just unfair. It's like criticising the Amish on television."

Board

DEAR oh dear – reader Dave Carson emails: "There’s currently a tenement close in Dumbarton with four estate agent signs outside the entrance door. It’s the worst case of ‘To Let’ Syndrome I’ve ever seen..."