Tumbling down the rabbit hole of PR cringe

THAT banshee-like scream followed by a thunder of feet was the sound of the United Airlines crisis management team running for the hills.

The beleaguered US airline became embroiled in a fresh PR scandal this week after a rabbit, destined to become the world’s biggest bunny, died in its care.

Measuring three-feet, Simon was tipped to outgrow his father Darius, who at 4ft 4in is the current incumbent of the Guinness World Record title as longest rabbit.

The 10-month-old continental giant rabbit was being sent to his new owner in the US. The animal had been flown from London Heathrow to Chicago O’Hare (no puns please), but according to reports was found to have perished prior to being loaded onto a connecting flight to Kansas City.

The riddle of Simon’s death comes less than three weeks after a video showing a passenger being dragged off a United Express flight sparked widespread outrage.

David Dao, 69, from Kentucky, was left with a bloodied face (and it has since emerged lost two teeth, suffered a broken nose and concussion) after being forcibly removed from the plane by Chicago airport officers who had been summoned by United employees when he would not give up his seat.

In March, the airline was heavily criticised after two girls were barred from flying for wearing leggings.

A United Airlines spokesman, presumably after a long lie down in a darkened room with a cold flannel over his eyes, issued a statement saying the company was “saddened” by the news of Simon’s demise and that a review was under way.

UK-based breeder Annette Edwards – a former Playboy model who according to the gospel of The Sun “once had plastic surgery to make her look more like cartoon character Jessica Rabbit” – claims Simon underwent a vet’s check-up three hours before the flight and was declared “fit as a fiddle”.

Not only was Simon’s father Darius a record breaker, but his grandmother Alice held the title before that. The now deceased rabbit had been expected to continue a proud family tradition.

Alas, a page in the Guinness Book of Records will go unwritten for Simon. Instead he has been dispatched to the great big rabbit warren in the sky where one hopes that Hazel from Watership Down will be waiting to greet him at the pearly gates.

This latest turn of events sees United Airlines closing in on President Donald Trump for the title of biggest PR gaffe of the year (with Pepsi, White House press secretary Sean Spicer and the Oscar envelope switcheroo bringing up the rear).

Aside from selling unaccompanied minors into the child slave trade or being found to have harvested unicorn tears to make their on board teas and coffees, one can’t imagine how things could get much worse for what is fast becoming the laughing stock of the skies.

Still, the airline would seem to be at least listening to the incredulous sighs of the public. Sadly, the same can’t be said of one staggeringly tone-deaf blunder witnessed in Scottish politics this week.

Step forward Ruth Davidson, self-crowned queen of the wacky photo op. No pose is too outlandish or cringeworthy for the Scottish Conservative leader who has variously been snapped sitting astride a buffalo and straddling a tank all in the name (and game) of garnering column inches.

Ms Davidson joined charity Trossachs Mobility to promote the use of all-terrain wheelchairs, sharing an image of herself on social media in which she highlighted the importance of “helping those with mobility issues get out into the countryside and hills.”

Preach! Couldn’t agree more Ruth. The sentiment is spot-on. Except for the fact that 800 disabled people a week losing their Motability vehicles because of Tory cuts to disability benefits kind of gets stuck in the craw …

In other election trail news, First Minister Nicola Sturgeon perched on a motorcycle, while Scottish Labour leader Kezia Dugdale donned boxing gloves. I’ll leave you to draw your own analogies.

Trash or treasure? Let’s play celebrity recycling bins! 

RUBBING salt in the wounds of what will be filed under I’ve-had-better-weeks for Ruth Davidson was none other than actor Martin Compston.

It should come as no surprise that the long-time vocal supporter of the SNP swiftly disposed of a Tory party election leaflet that came into his possession.

The Line of Duty star posted a photograph on Twitter with the wry caption: “Junk mail can be annoying but it’s important to recycle”.

Yet it was the contents of his blue wheelie bin that really drew the eye. There was something oddly mesmerising about the sight of the crumpled pamphlet nestled among a mountain of empty Irn Bru bottles and oven chip boxes. Officially the most Scottish bin of all time?

I’m already envisaging a reboot-style Through the Keyhole spin-off, but rather than “who lives in a house like this?” there is a catchy ring to “trash or treasure: guess the recycling bin?”

Bin number one. A set of broken golf clubs, free bus pass, ripped up organ donor card, worn out cat o’ nine tails and a subscription to Gorilla fancier? Voila, it’s Ukip candidate Gisela Allen.

Onto bin number two. Antacid wrappers, a well-thumbed copy of Apologies for Dummies and mound of shredded public credibility? Ah, yes, the offices of United Airlines.

Shoppers faced with a sense of hummus failure

NOT since the great avocado shortage of 2016 have we witnessed such terrible scenes. Middle-class households across the country were left in turmoil after hummus had to be removed from sale in Sainsbury’s, Marks and Spencer, Tesco and Waitrose on quality grounds.

Cue panic in supermarkets from Milngavie to Morningside as distraught shoppers wandered the aisles with the glassy-eyed stares of post-apocalyptic survivors foraging for scraps and whimpering as they had to make do with tzatziki instead.

But initial dismay soon turned to anger thanks to the swathes of yummy mummies crowing about only eating their own homemade, organic and sprinkled with rainbows/fairy dust/rose petals hummus anyway. Alright, Bearsden’s answer to Gwyneth Paltrow. Dial down the smug.

Speaking of Gwynnie, the actress turned lifestyle guru unveiled a high-end gardening range on her website Goop this week. Items include a £327 pewter water pitcher, an “elegant” £97 apron (that ties “at the natural waist”) and £56 floral scissors with gold-plated handles.

Which only goes to prove that money can’t buy sense. If you need me I’ll be picking up my gardening supplies (and probably a saddle, jet-ski and whole leg of Parma ham) in Lidl’s aisle of surprise.