It's been a good week for … sartorial choices

Talk about statement headwear. When the Queen rocked up to the State Opening of Parliament in a hat that bore a strong resemblance to the European Union flag, the collective intake of breath was heard around the world.

Not since fashion designer Katharine Hamnett met the then Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher back in 1984 while wearing a T-shirt bearing the anti-nuclear slogan "58% don't want Pershing" has a sartorial choice been so hotly debated.

The conspiracy theories were glorious. Could the Queen have been sending a subliminal anti-Brexit message to the nation? Was she trolling for Theresa May for almost making her miss Royal Ascot?

Could it be an homage to Vincent van Gogh's The Starry Night (and a cryptic nod to the artist painting the famed scene while looking out from his room in an asylum)?

Or perhaps HRH simply fancied wearing a rather nice blue hat with a smattering of yellow flowers? I'm doffing my cap to her either way.

It's been a bad week for … mumbling

What's that you say? Mumbling. Nope, I still didn't get it. Can you speak up? MUMBLING. Come again? M.U.M.B.L.I.N.G.

Poldark has become the latest to join the Mumblegate ranks as fans of the BBC drama complained that they struggled to decipher the dialogue of salty sea dog Tholly Tregirls – played by Shameless star Sean Gilder – in last Sunday's episode.

One viewer wrote on Twitter: "What on earth is Tholly saying? #MumblesThePirate."

Even my husband, who has the kind of Ninja-like aural capacity that can hear a pin drop from six streets away, was reaching for an ear trumpet.

Mumbling on TV shows has reached epidemic levels. It blighted the BBC's big adaptation of Jamaica Inn a few years back and similarly War And Peace, Taboo, Happy Valley and SS-GB.

Garbled delivery is among my top telly peeves, second only to poor lighting (yes, I get that it is meant to be night/a cave/the olden days but I might as well listen to the radio if I can't see a damned thing).

What's the point of even having dialogue if we can't make out what they're saying? If I wanted subtitles I could watch a decent Scandi drama or some posh French arthouse cinema.

And don't try and distract us with Poldark's Aidan Turner taking his top off either. Enunciate, please.