ACCORDING to the author of the Book of Revelation a special place in Hell awaits those who swan through life seeking always to back two horses. The version carried in the King James Bible, which always adds a wee edge to its hermeneutics, couldn’t be clearer. “So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.” It will always be in my top three biblical stories along with the Marriage Feast at Cana where Jesus provided an unlimited quantum of free booze for the guests and any parable that contains wailing, gnashing of teeth and rending of garments.

Those who seek the centre ground like to be regarded as “statesmanlike” and “objective” and possessed of a degree of common sense and wisdom. Yet by not being particularly for anything presumably they are not particularly against much either.

We’ve all encountered them: people who insist on seeing both sides of the argument and then body-swerving any decision one way or another. They like to think that such caution gives them a sphynx-like status amongst their peers. They believe themselves to be citizens of a lofty plain far above the wretched and obscene bickering of the masses. Yet, underpinning their sense of aloof disinterest are the same grubby motivations that fuel the ambitions of those they would disparage: the pursuit of money, power, influence and fame.

Those of my acquaintances who define themselves as Conservative defend their political choices by arguing that by first acquiring wealth you are then in a better position to influence its use for the common weal. My position is that when you have spent some time acquiring wealth all thoughts about the common weal go straight out of the window once it has been amassed. To borrow another biblical theme, they are like the well-meaning sinner who promises to renounce his base pursuits if only the Almighty would grant his team an unlikely winning goal in a cup final … and then proceeds to get howling with it and to seek the company of brigands nonetheless. I have been there often.

Yet I would always favour the most reactionary Conservative over anyone who seeks to possess the centre ground or who meanders towards the middle of the road. So when it was announced last week that a new UK centrist political party with access to up to £50 million of funding has been under development for a couple of years I waited for the usual tropes to unfold and, sure enough, there they all were. The new party would seek to “break the Westminster mould”. It was supported by people frustrated by the “tribal nature of politics” and it would borrow ideas “from both left and right”. And who are the shadowy and un-named people behind this new party, why it’s “a network of entrepreneurs, philanthropists and donors”. In politics “a network of entrepreneurs, philanthropists and donors” roughly translates as a cartel of corporate raiders, tax-efficient investors and the heirs to family fortunes who have become bored while waiting for the old boy to die and want to lend some meaning to their footless existences in the meantime.

At a time when inequality and unfairness underpin the arrangements by which the UK is governed what is the point of a Centrist Party? Only those who desire not to upset anyone; who would rather not rock the boat; who would seek a peaceful life for the least possible outlay would be drawn to it. It is a pipe and slippers party for those happy to slumber by the fireside rug as the rich get richer and the poor become poorer. It is the “I’m Alright Jack” party fit only for holding the jackets but not for the actual fighting; for wringing their hands but not for getting them dirty. They are the hyenas of politics; feeding off the leftovers of a fight they didn’t want to get in. The centre ground is a place only for the cautious; the cowardly and those who always take No for an answer.

In Glasgow a corridor exists that traces a six-mile stretch of the M8 motorway from Shettleston in the east to Newton Mearns in the south. On this sweep an adult male loses 20 years in life expectancy because of health inequality, poverty, unemployment, housing shortages and educational gerrymandering. The same problems have affected the same communities for more than a century so it’s not as if we don’t know where to start.

We now seem to accept foodbanks as part of the mainstream economy. You know they will always be with us when you hear people even on the left questioning the motives and the means of those who use them. In a country blessed with an uncommonly rich larder on land and at sea we permit fewer than 500 people to own more than half of Scotland and talk laughably about progress in land reform whenever a tiny island community prevails in a community buy-out. The only people laughing are the owners of the big estates.

In terms of power and money in the UK there are profits to be made in ensuring that these communities remain poor and that their potential remains unlocked. It’s the same reasons why the world’s richest countries will never permit Africa to flourish. If the African economy were to become healthy and to stand alone the competition in world markets would intensify and the profits of “entrepreneurs, philanthropists and donors” would diminish. In the UK this is why only a token few from these communities are allowed entry to our universities. Any more would be to risk them occupying more positions of influence. It’s why we permit the people who destroyed our economy 10 years ago once more to enrich themselves and why we stand prepared to spend millions on missile strikes on Syria yet haggle over every penny in welfare payments to the sick and the vulnerable.

Centrism: the art of walking by on the other side while pretending to be concerned has allowed this situation to flourish. It’s been reported that Tony Blair’s son Euan is associated with the planned new UK centrist party. Is anyone surprised? His father’s rush to the centre ground castrated the Labour Party and gave comfort to big business. Later it bequeathed him a property empire and a global consultancy. This is what the centre ground truly looks like.