ONE could only imagine the scenes in the green room as the party spin doctors readied their fighters for STV’s Scotland Debates last night. “Come on, champ, this is it, one last round then this TV election fight is over.

“I know you’re tired, I know you are pig-sick of these debates, but just imagine how the viewers feel. Now, can I rub some embrocation on that?”

Ding-ding, seconds out, and we were on air. In the ring, Slugger Davidson, Kerpow Kez, Nipper Sturgeon and Willie “The Animal” Rennie. With mention of a second independence poll they were off, fingers jabbing and jaws jutting. “I was the only one that didn’t mention independence,” said the SNP leader in an “It wisnae me, sir” tone.

In a move that STV has made its own, moderator Bernard Ponsonby put one leader up to be cross-examined by the others. With Mr Rennie it was hardly the stuff of Perry Mason, as the women gave the impression they were being polite until they could get stuck into each other.

Kezia Dugdale was asked if she had faith in her leader (yes, she said, quickly segueing into an attack on the Tories). How did you feel when Jeremy Corbyn said he would back indyref2, asked Ruth Davidson, taking on the role of psychoanalyst. How kind.

Ms Dugdale accused the FM of allowing children to slide into poverty by not using the powers Holyrood had. “Screaming at me won’t change things,” Ms Sturgeon responded. Pity: if it did, Scotland would be Shangri-La by now.

Next in the dock was Ruth Davidson, who took a pasting on the “rape clause”. “How do Tories sleep at night?” the FM wanted to know. Finally, it was Ms Sturgeon’s turn. Was she not ashamed of Scotland’s declining standards in education? I’m getting on with the job, she said.

Then a moment of drama from Ruth “I’m listening” Davidson. Had Ms Sturgeon just said Ms Dugdale told her after the Brexit vote she would drop her opposition to independence? Yes, said Ms Sturgeon. Ms Dugdale shook her head vehemently in disagreement. “I know what was said,” replied the FM when the subject came up again later.

The Tory leader finished with a plea to Ms Sturgeon to “give us a bit of peace” on another independence poll. Peace? With this lot? Nae chance.