Chariots of Fire
TERRACING shouts continued. They just don’t happen like this any more. Recalls Bill Jefferies: “After Rangers had won the league in 1975 under Jock Wallace, they held a gala before the last game against Airdrie. Captain John Greig went round the track on a chariot.
“When the game started, the Airdrie winger pushed the ball 30 yards past Greig to beat him for speed. The guy next to me shouted, ‘Hey Greig, get back on that f****** chariot and get him caught’.”
Mixed messages
WE are still trying to take in the American election result. A reader in the US tries to comfort us by saying: “I’m hoping Trump will tell everyone after he takes office, ‘Let’s get that Muslim band going’ and his staff say, ‘Band? We thought you said ban.’ Then Trump replies, ‘Ban? No way, that’s far too harsh. Also, how are we getting on with that Mexican mall?’”
Bright spark
ANOTHER American tells us: “When I saw the news coverage of Barack Obama showing him around the White House I had a fantasy that Obama says to him, ‘Now here’s the toaster. It tends to stick, so don’t be afraid to jam a fork in to get it working’.”
Stepping up to the plate
A WEST End reader swears to us he heard a student strolling up Byres Road tell his pal: “No-one in the flat has done the dishes for weeks. So I finally did the responsible thing. I went out and bought some paper plates.”
A real connection
A BEARSDEN reader phones to tell us how the world is changing faster than he can cope. He explains: “I took my daughter into a cafe and she said, ‘Hold on, I get a feeling I’ve been here before’. So I asked her if she was having some kind of out-of-body experience.
“And she replied, ‘No, it’s just that my phone has automatically connected to the WiFi.”
Off limits
TALKING about WiFi, a reader in Ayrshire was at his golf club where a fellow member declared: “So why is it my teenage daughter can remember a complicated WiFi password which is 15 characters long, including numbers and capitals in a random pattern, yet she cannot once remember to switch a light off when she leaves a room.”
Hot potatoes
OUR tale of the landlady serving the same meal nightly, reminds Dougie McNicol in Bridge of Weir: “A minister at a wedding reception told the tale of his wife, after their wedding, serving the same meal of mince and potatoes every night. Eventually after five nights of mince he left a note saying he would be home by dinner time and added the biblical reference Hebrews 13, verse 8’
“His wife opened the family Bible and read – fervent religionists look away now – ‘Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today and forever’.”
Dad is toast
WE have not had some bad dad jokes for a while. A younger reader in Whitecraigs tells us the family were sitting down to have a birthday breakfast for their mum yesterday when she looked around the table and told her dad, “You’ve forgotten the French toast.” She had to shake her head as she watched her dad stand up with his glass of orange juice and shout out: “Vive La France!”
Guess work
THE election result in America was another bad result for the polling companies who had all predicted a Clinton win. Moose Allain sends us a possible conversation. “So you reckon you’d make a good pollster?” “I guess.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here