See what develops
AS the office nights out get under way, a Glasgow chap in a city centre pub at the weekend tells us he was chatting to a toper wearing a paper hat who nodded at a raucous table and explained: “We’ve reached the point where I have to decide whether to stop my drunk mate from making a fool of himself, or to film it on my phone and put it on YouTube.”

Going Dutch
SAD to hear of the death of Raymond Jacobs, The Herald’s former golf correspondent, and a true gentleman. He once told the story of covering a European Amateur Team Championship in The Hague where an enthusiastic volunteer operated the telex machine that sent the reporters’ copy.
Raymond suggested he and the others express their appreciation of her work with a bouquet of flowers. “That would not be appropriate,’’ a Dutch official frowned. “Why?” asked Raymond. “Because she is a member of our royal family.’’

All shook up
“I’M now panicking about Christmas presents,” phones an anxious reader. “Is there a Herald Diary book out this year?” “Funny you should ask,” I reply. “There is indeed.”
It is still under a tenner, is called The Herald Diary with the sub-heading That’s The Sealiest Thing I’ve Read, and includes the story of the Elvis Presley tribute act who was struggling through “Cos I don’t have a wooden heart” at an Isle of Man talent contest when a distinctly Glasgow voice shouted out: “Aye, but you’ve got a brass neck!”

Out of his depth
TALKING about Christmas presents, a reader at Silverburn heard a chap looking at a display of watches tell his wife: “I can’t think of any scenario where a watch that can work under 50 metres of water would be my main concern if I was 50 metres under water.”

Slice of the action
WE hear a woman in a Renfield Street bar confess to her pals: “Was in by myself on Saturday and ordered a pizza from Domino’s. It was so big that I shouted ‘Pizza’s here!’ into an empty room so the delivery boy wouldn’t judge me.”

Flight of fancy
SOCIAL media can be such fun. A Ukip follower on Twitter wrote the other day: “We are a western Christian country. If people are offended by Christmas I’ll personally drive them to the airport.”
Within minutes someone replied: “Hi. I’m offended by Christmas and I’m flying out of Luton on Thursday. Pick me up about 10.15am?”

Colourful reply
GLASGOW University’s film and television studies department has produced a short film about teaching children in Govan the rich history of the area going back to the days of Vikings which they had not heard about.
We particularly liked the young lad asked at the start of the film where Govan was near, who replied: “Asda, Pizza Hut and McDonald’s.” And another, when asked if he would have liked to have lived there in the past, said: “No because it was black and white.”

Jack not a dull boy
AFTER our piece of whimsy about what appeared over Thomas Edison’s head when he got the idea for the light bulb, Jack Silverstone in Newton Mearns asks: “It made we wonder – what was the greatest thing before sliced bread, and what did people go back to before the drawing-board 
was invented?”