Countering an age-change lie

OUR story about the old Glasgow housing office in High Street reminds Willie Dickie in East Kilbride of working there as a teenager and being put on the public counter. Says Willie: “One of my first applicants was a wee Glasgow woman who said her husband couldn’t be with her as he was 62. Yet the application form filled in a year earlier said he was 48. With that confident exuberance of youth I laid bare her deception.

“The exchanges became increasingly confusing until eventually her eyes lit up and she said pityingly, ‘Oh son, that’s not his age, that’s his shift’.”

Ghost of Christmas pantomime

TALES from the pantomime should not forget the many local productions being staged. Donald Barr in Newtonmore in the Highlands tells us: “It had been a good shinty season for Newtonmore. They had won the league and the Camanachd and MacTavish cups.

“Biggest cheer of the night at the village panto came when the ghost threatened Scrooge with a fate worse than death. He would have to wear the strip of nearby, rather less successful, Kingussie, for the rest of his days.”

Chocs away

GETTING into the Christmas spirit is comedian Sarah Millican who observed: “According to our chocolate Advent calendar, there are only three days to Christmas.”

Engineer got an early quiz break

THE Diary story about TV quiz show University Challenge reminds Jim Morrison: “Sitting at our evening meal on a Sealink ferry in Larne, Northern Ireland, in the eighties, we were surprised when Donald, our third engineer, answered question after question correctly when University Challenge came on BBC Northern Ireland. “Donald, your knowledge is amazing,” I told him. “No really,” said Donald. “I watched it on BBC Scotland when I was hame last night.”

Just four left for the record

NOW here’s a piece of pop trivia for music fans to mull over. Says Dashiell Bennett, after the death of astronaut John Glenn: “With Fidel Castro and John Glenn gone, there are only four individuals named in Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start the Fire who are still alive.”

Facing up to festive humour

OFFICE party stories reminds us of the yarn in the just published in time for Christmas, Herald Diary compilation now in bookshops, about the girl who arrived at her office party after a session in the tanning salon, and worried that the goggles had left a white ring around her eyes. “Do I look like a clown?” she asked her pal. “Put it this way Sophie,” her pal replied, “Ah wouldnae be surprised if weans start asking’ ye fur balloons.”

Win Champagne dinner for two

CHRISTMAS competition time! Thanks to Alan Tomkins for the generous offer of a Champagne dinner for two at Urban Bar and Brasserie in St Vincent Street, Glasgow, for the winner. We thought we would bring back our popular film title contest, only this time you have to subtract one letter from a film title to make a more interesting film. Ones with a Scottish connection will be preferred.

Our suggestions are: Lord of the Rigs – about the top overtime earner in the North Sea. Casio Royale – Prince Harry brags about his electronic calculator. Tar Wars – two teams of Irish workers compete to do up your driveway.

But we know you can do better...