Going round and round
HAPPY birthday to the Glasgow Subway, 120 years old yesterday. I still remember writer Cliff Hanley telling a BBC reporter from London the Subway was unique in that if you fell asleep you still ended up where you wanted to go.
And any excuse to mention Chic Murray, who asked at Hillhead ticket office: “Does the next train have a buffet car?” When the puzzled worker said no, he replied: “I’ll just wait for the next one then.”

It’s an age thing
GROWING old continued. Muses Ian Noble: “You know you are getting old when … No. Sorry. It’s gone.”

A bit of a card
KATE Woods gets us in the Christmas spirit by recounting: “Last December my cousin was a few Christmas cards short, and asked her daughter to get some. Local shops were sold out and eventually she went into a corner shop with the permanent grill over the window in a less salubrious area. On asking the pleasant shopkeeper if he had any cards left he reached for a box, then said, ‘Aye Hen, but the only ones left are the sh*** wans’.”

Feeling better already
TALKING about cards, a Jordanhill reader was visiting her mother in hospital and took her some cards she had been sent. Her mother looked at them before asking: “Why do people say ‘Get well soon’? Why don’t they want me to get well now?”

Chilly response
SAD to hear of the death of good-natured TV weatherman Ian McCaskill. My colleague Keith Bruce remembers Ian forecasting that the temperature in Aberdeen would be 20 degrees colder than London. Ian then put on a serious face and said, in a headmasterly tone: “See me, Aberdeen.”

Going with the flow
RESEARCH by bathroom company Geberit shows half of all Glaswegians wake up at least once a night to use the toilet, taking longer to get back to sleep than anywhere else.
It, of course, reminds us of the two old timers complaining about having to get up every night to pee. Their pal chipped in: “I sleep through the night and never pee before eight in the morning.” Then he added: “Trouble is, I don’t wake up ’til half eight.”

Calling for the bill
THE just published cricket book Test of Character includes the tale from former Australian captain Ian Chappell of playing at Sydney Cricket Ground 
when he looked up and saw a spectator returning to the hill with a tray of beers. Said Ian: “He had no idea where his mates were sitting. One of them jumped up and waved and said, ‘Hey Bill!’ and what seemed like everyone on the hill then jumped up and yelled ‘Hey Bill!’ 
It was so spontaneous.”

Rocked by colleague
I THOUGHT a colleague was on holiday but, no, he spotted me and announced: “See earlier, I got absolutely slated for my Sylvester Stallone impression. My day got off to a rocky start.”

Revolting
OUR Christmas contest to make a film more interesting by dropping one letter from the title, with a Champagne dinner for two at the Urban Bar and Brasserie in St Vincent Place for the winner has really taken off.
Today’s suggestions:
l Whit Christmas – A Glaswegian struggles to remember the festive period. (Brian Logan)
l The Parent Tap – the bank of mum and dad. (Harry Shaw)
l Star Was – the life story of this year’s X Factor winner. (John Dunlop)
l Particus – slave revolt in Glasgow’s west end. (Alan Barlow).