Sofa so good
RECOVERING from a big meal on Christmas Day? If you are then you may have some sympathy for the young lad at school recalled by reader Scott Barclay: “Many years ago as a young PE teacher in Glasgow’s east end I received a note from a parent urging me to ‘Please excuse Joe from PE as he has a couch’.”

Snapper snaps
THERE were of course the occasional harsh words spoken at the Christmas meal. A photographer friend confesses to us that he gets a little aggrieved when people put his pictures down to his camera equipment.
He was at his girlfriend’s mother’s for Christmas where she said: “Lovely pictures. You must have a very good camera.” His reply of: “Lovely dinner. You must have very good pots and pans,” didn’t seem to go down too well.

Hand revealed
SADLY, we cannot track down the Glasgow church where we are told that, at the Christmas service, the minister was explaining to the Sunday school members about the three kings bringing presents to the Baby Jesus and how he asked them: “There is a higher authority than kings. Do we know who that is, children?”
A tentative voice came back with: “Aces?”

Driving a bargain
A READER out shopping in Newton Mearns yesterday tells us he bumped into an old pal and asked him what he got for Christmas. “Did you see the new BMW at the front of the car park?” replied his pal. When our reader went “Wow!” his pal continued: “Well I got a tie just the same colour.”
No laughing matter
A FAVOURITE Christmas cracker joke? What do workers at Sports Direct get for Christmas dinner? About five minutes.

A ghost of a chance
THERE are a few tourists around at 
this time of year. A guide at a National Trust property says he was asked by an American visitor if he had ever seen 
a ghost on the premises. “Never since I’ve been here,” he replied.
But when the tourist then asked: “And how long have you been here?” he couldn’t stop himself from replying: “Three hundred years.”

Just your Donald
LOTS of us are still pondering Donald Trump becoming US president in a few weeks. Graeme Stewart wonders if the Secret Service detail protecting him will shout out: “Donald. Duck!” if he ever faces being attacked.

A mother trying her best
A SWEET tale from rugby writer Matt Vallance who tells us: “Just as the press pack was packing-up to go home from Old Anniesland  following the Glasgow Hawks v Heriot’s rugby match, a lady from Edinburgh came into the press box and told us the Heriot’s wingers had been wearing different shirts from those indicated in the programme.
“Charlie Simpson was wearing 14, rather than 11, while Gavin Parker, 14 on the team sheet, had worn 11. So Simpson, rather than Parker, whom the press had identified as the scorer from the team-sheet, had scored Heriot’s try.
“The informant was Gavin Parker’s mother, therefore  her honesty cost her son a try credit in the papers. We wondered if any Glasgow mother, even a west end Lady, would have been so honest in the circumstances.”

By the letter
We must wind up our “Drop one letter” film contest, so here is the final few:
l Petty Woman: row over how much Theresa May paid for leather trousers (Graeme Stewart).
l Love Is A Many Splendored Hing: Romeo and Juliet, tenement style (Catherine Woods).
l The Pink Panter: an attempt at the 10K on an unseasonably hot day (Gordon Cubie).