Chin up
HAPPY New Year of course. A reader swears to us he was in Ashton Lane after the Bells and a hirsute chap turned to his mates and asked: “So guys, are we still doing the beard thing in 2017 or can we put that behind us?”

X marks the spot
THE Tories are keen on voter ID at elections, although this would disenfranchise those with no passport or driving licence. It reminds us of the Glasgow polling station at a previous election where the official, with pen and ruler poised to score a voter off the list, asked a chap where he lived.
The official was nonplussed by the reply: “Roon the corner fae the swing park.”

Respect for Freddie
SAD to hear of the death of actor Freddie Boardley, who was a kenspeckle face in Glasgow’s west end. We liked the subtle dig from Rab C Nesbitt writer Ian Pattison who had Freddie appearing three times in 
Rab C – first as a council assistant, 
then as Lord Provost, and finally as a gangster. “He became more respectable each time,” said Ian.

Name calling
SO what’s Prime Minister Theresa May been up to? Melvyn Haggarty tells us: “Mrs May was kind enough to send Christmas Greetings to all her registered supporters. Unfortunately, instead of ‘Dear Melvyn’ my message was addressed ‘Dear Haggarty’. An apology was emailed to all Scottish supporters a few days later.
 “Is it an unfortunate error or a suggestion that Mother Theresa has something of the schoolmarm about her?”

Punch drunk
SOMETIMES Glasgow really does live up to the stereotype. One of four brightly-painted temporary Santa statues in Sauchiehall Street was removed and placed in The Garage nightclub for safekeeping after it was damaged – somebody had punched it.
A spokesman for The Garage commented philosophically: “Obviously the person who punched Santa had not had a good Christmas themselves.”

No idea
TALKING of clubs, it’s nice to know that nicknames are keeping up with changes in society. We hear of a young group of clubbers in Glasgow whose pal David couldn’t get into a club as he had lost his ID. They now call him Dav.

Keeping abreast of the news
THE BBC reported that barcodes are being printed on breast implants and other medical items for patient safety reasons. Muses Bruce Skvington: “Should cause fun in the supermarket if a well-endowed woman leans over the self scan machine.”

Dogged pursuit
A READER out walking in Rouken Glen Park yesterday to clear his head heard a woman shouting ineffectually on her dog to come back. She told him as he tried to help: “He also ignores me when I whistle. I’m now trying to perfect imitating the sound of the fridge door opening, which is bound to work.”

And the winner is . . . 
YES, we promised you the winner of the Diary’s drop a letter from a film title contest. Tough tough choice. I canvassed colleagues, family, surprised strangers in the street, and came up with eight possible winners. So I chucked all eight in a hat – woolly Christmas present 
– and out came Mutiny On The Bunty, about editorial differences in a girls’ magazine.
The prize of a Champagne dinner for two, courtesy of Alan Tomkins at the splendid Urban Bar & Brasserie in St Vincent Place, Glasgow, goes to David Will in Milngavie. Thank you to the hundreds who wrote in, and apologies 
if I did not use your suggestion.