Driving home the point

ARTHUR Frame in Lanark tells us: “At the golf club at the weekend discussing the new drink driving limits, one member said he blames the new limit for his alcohol problems. He explained that previously he would have two pints then drive home. Now he has six pints and takes the bus.”

Jackson was below par

THE Herald story that actor Samuel L Jackson will be in Scotland soon to film the next Avengers film reminds us of when he was in St Andrews to play in the Dunhill golf championship. He once explained about the sport: “I very seldom get angry at golf. The year I started golf I had a caddie and one day I did get angry with myself and threw a club. My caddie told me, ‘You’re not good enough to get mad.’ I have never thrown a club since.”

Seeing double

PRELIMINARY round draw in the World Darts Championship – David Cameron versus Jimmy Hendricks. Says reader Alec Ross: “I thought politicians ended up on Strictly Come Dancing, so fair play to Dave. If I’m honest though, his opponent’s qualification seems even more remarkable.”

The wrong message

IT seems like a long time to parents, but most schools finally got back this week after the Christmas and New Year holiday. A west end reader tells us he heard a young mother explain: “I like these 20 mile-an-hour speed limits around the school. It makes texting so much easier.”

The wrong direction

WELL have you ever done this? Ross Craig muses: “You know when you still have half a tank but buy petrol to mask that you’ve failed to find the right way out of the supermarket car park?”

Ward off the dog

GLASGOW’S planning officials have given their backing to Glasgow University to knock down much of the old Western Infirmary in the west end. We remember in the staff newspaper, former Western workers were trying to recall the name of the superintendent who patrolled the wards at night with her giant Alsatian dog. Someone at least could remember the dog’s name and wrote to the newsletter: “Officially, it was Rufus. To drunks on the wards it was known as ‘Keep that dug aff ma neck!’’’

Plastered

AND our favourite Western Infirmary story was when Celtic player Bobby Lennox was interviewed there after being stretchered off in an Old Firm game with a broken leg following a bruising tackle from Rangers captain John Greig. Propped up in the Western that evening with his leg in plaster Bobby was being interviewed for Scotsport when the reporter asked him when he realised his leg was broken.

“When I saw John Greig running towards me,” Bobby replied.

Black humour

FOR some reason we drifted into bodies to medical science and other funeral type things. It prompts John Robertson to opine: “Not sure if this new move towards glass coffins will catch on.

“Remains to be seen.”

Simpler times on a plate

KATE Woods was reading The Herald’s recipe of the day yesterday and comments: “The headline read ‘Scotch Lamb, fillet, belly and cannelloni of squash and shoulder, puree of squash, queen kale’. Life was much simpler years ago. If I asked what was for dinner on a Monday I would be told, ‘mince’.”