Foot off the gas

THE Herald’s archive picture of Glasgow’s first driver-only bus reminds John Bannerman in Kilmaurs, Ayrshire, of the friendly, family-run bus that took folk from the village to Kilmarnock for shopping. Says John: “After I got on one day, a few stops later, Wee Bella jumped up and said, ‘Stoap the bus, Jock – Ah’ll need tae go back hame, ah’ve left the mince oan the gas!’ “The driver asked if anybody was in a hurry, and when everyone replied ‘No!’ he took Bella back to her house and waited for her to turn the gas off.”

At the fiddle

MUSIC festival Celtic Connections is going great in Glasgow just now. Irish fiddle star Martin Hayes, about to play The Star Of Munster, told his audience about one of his students who wanted to play the tune at a post-festival shindig. The student asked accordionist Jackie Daly of the great Patrick Street band if he knew The Star Of Munster.

“Do I know it?” replied Jackie, not keen to be interrupted, “I am the f****** Star of Munster.”

Beating his own drum

CAN’T believe not everyone’s a fan of Celtic Connections. Old chum Kevin McKenna was in town the other night – but was heading to the Hydro arena for the farewell tour of veteran rockers Black Sabbath. “Great to be at a concert venue in Glasgow in January and not a bloody bodhran in sight,” he declared.

The pyjama game

HOSPITALS continued. Says Gordon Casely: “Some years ago, while enjoying the hospitality of Aberdeen Royal Infirmary, I couldn’t help noticing that four ward-mates departed late every afternoon. When they returned in time for the evening meal, they looked a lot happier.

“The blighters had the habit of phoning a taxi, hopping aboard in their dressing gowns, then going a mile uphill to Murdo’s Bar in nearby Cairncry.”

Swearing-in ceremony

PLANS by Glasgow City Council for a £9 million facelift of Byres Road reminds us of one our our favourite stories about the road when an open-topped campaign bus was being driven down the thoroughfare campaigning for the late, great, Janey Buchan to be elected for Labour. The police flagged the bus down and told the driver that, if the wee guy on the top deck with the microphone didn’t stop swearing, then the bus would be put off the road.

It seems his microphone-distorted chant of “Vote Buchan, Labour” had been misheard.

That’s torn it

A SOUTH side reader catching a late night bus home from the city centre heard a couple of young women in front of him accusing a mutual friend of being a bit slothful. One girl came up with the memorable assertion: “She’s that lazy she only shaves the bits of her legs you can see through her ripped jeans.”

Celebrating early

MORE signs you are getting old as Ron Fretwell in East Kilbride tells us he was at a splendid Burns Breakfast at the local old folks club where it was decided to have a breakfast and not a supper, as many of the oldsters don’t like going out in the evening.

Speedy conclusion

THE news story that there is a suggestion to reduce the speed limit to 60 mph on the M1 provokes a south side reader to tell us: “Is that a joke? Last year on the M1, in the face of congestion, lane closures, roadworks and so on, I managed to thrash the old motor along at an average speed of 24mph over a very long day.”