Lizard at the disco
THAT great nightclub owner, Donald MacLeod, was fulminating in The Herald yesterday about his legendary Garage in Glasgow being faced with a £100,000 rates bill increase.
It reminds us of the customer who once explained: “I was trying to get into the Garage on my 18th birthday. A friend had given me a toy dinosaur as a present, so when they asked if I had anything on me I shouldn’t, I pulled Dino out and shouted: ‘Rawr! I have a vicious man-eating lizard, does that count?’
“They then asked if I had any ID to prove that I was over five.”
No love lost
WE weren’t going to mention Valentine’s Day again, but we should make space for that cheeky Tory MSP Murdo Fraser who wound up Nats yesterday with the poem:
“Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
If there’s a second Indyref,
You’ll lose that too.”
Just the ticket
AND opportunist of the day was stand-up comedian Robin Grainger, who announced on social media yesterday: “I’m gigging at the Stand comedy club in Glasgow tonight. It’s sold out, but if you wish really hard,
a couple might break up today and tickets might become available.”
Bottom-line critic
WE mentioned Ian Spring’s book Real Glasgow and just thought we should add a comment in it from Glaswegian filmmaker May Miles Thomas who was not impressed by the abilities of contemporary art students. Or as May memorably put it: “They couldn’t draw their airse along the floor.”
A spell online
A READER in Hillhead sends us this confession: “I find it embarrassing that 90 per cent of my searches on Google are just common words that I wasn’t sure how to spell.
“And yes, I Googled ‘embarrassing’.”
Surname symmetry
WEDDINGS continued. Says David Will in Milngavie: “Your stories remind me of a wedding reception
we attended at a hotel in Erskine. The groom, with some humour, had drawn up the table seating plan which found us (Mr and Mrs Will) seated with two other couples – Mr and Mrs Wood and Mr and Mrs Cant.”
A magical response
A MENTION of magic in The Herald reminds Wilf O’Malley in Inverness: “My colleague Bill at Ordnance Survey was visited by a new chief surveyor, anxious to make an impression. He asked Bill how often he tested his equipment. Bill, who had been levelling over 25 years, replied that the level was tested every Monday morning. ‘And how do you test it?’ asked the chief surveyor.
“Bill gave him a withering look and said, ‘I wave it three times round my head and shout out Abra f****** cadabra’. The chief surveyor beat
a hasty retreat.”
No-win situation
TODAY’S musing comes from a reader who emails: “ Even worse than arguing with a stupid person online is when an even stupider person joins in – but they’re on your side.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
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