MUSICIAN Roy Gullane tells us: "I was talking to an exiled Glaswegian last night, down here in the 'Black Country', who had certainly not lost his accent. I was astonished when he told me his ageing father had herpes. He quickly corrected me with, 'naw a herr piece'."

RAISING children continued. A Newton Mearns reader contacts us to ask: "Why is it when I go to the supermarket and text my teenage daughter to ask her if she needs anything, I get no reply. Then, half-an-hour later, just as I'm going through the checkout, she texts me with a list of things she wants?"

FOOTBALL fans are still talking about the sad death of Lisbon Lion Tommy Gemmell. As Jim White in Shawlands recalls: "Tommy was my hero. As a wee boy I was taken by my dad to the boys' enclosure at Parkhead. I was standing right at the front as the ball trundled out-of-play towards me.

"I held it excitedly as Tommy ran over and took it from me. In the next few seconds, to motivate his team-mates, he let fly more sweary words than I had ever heard in my life.

"I remember being profoundly shocked that a footballer would use such language. Ah, the innocence of youth."

READER Drew Fleming passes on: "A friend recently met an ex-colleague who had been suffering from the effects of flu symptoms that have been all the rage. On enquiring hoe he was feeling, the reply was, 'I feel rather like the wee man I saw going into the bookies - a little better!'"

DIVIDED by a common language - a reader in the United States sends us a comment in her local newspaper which says: "In the UK, 50 Shades of Gray isn't a sexy book, it's the weather report."

TALKING of America, Jason Kander comments: "A 70-year-old man who watches six hours of TV a day, plays a lot of golf, and always seems to be in Florida at the weekend, is a retiree, not a President."

HAVE been hearing a few folks saying they are quitting the social media site Facebook because it is full of adverts and political rants rather than the cute staff from pals they used to like. As one reader suggests: "If you are going to leave Facebook why not end with a post like, 'Trying skydiving this weekend for the first time ever. Wish me luck!' then never post anything else."

A MILNGAVIE reader who has been trying to find someone to repair the family's old grandfather clock says he still remembers when it broke down 50 years ago when he was just a lad. He remembers the old chap who came to repair it who opened up the back and announced in a fake German accent: "We half ways of making you toc!" Our reader wonders how often he came out with that line in his career.

TODAY'S piece of whimsy comes from a reader who comments: "Before you get married, ask yourself this question, 'Is this the person I want to watch stare at their phone for the rest of my life?'"