He’s got it covered
STREET traders continued. Says Eddie Boyle in Ontario: “Some wee wummin asked the guy in the Barras selling sheets and blankets in the sixties if the eiderdown bedspread was big enough for a double bed. He replied, ‘Missus, it’s big enough to cover your bed, go alang the flerr for a carpet, and up the windae for curtains’.”

Takes the biscuit
NESTLE is planning to move production of the Blue Riband biscuit from Britain to Poland. When they were made in Glasgow a reader told us that a member of the public complained about being sick all night after eating a Blue Riband.
She quickly exited when the batch number showed it was only made the day before and should still be on the premises.
“Theft, whether stuck down knickers or hidden in a bag, was not uncommon, I am sorry to say,” said our reader.

Bit of a wind-up
GROWING old continued. Says a Newton Mearns reader: “I motioned to my teenage daughter with my hand to wind down her car window. She looked at my hand gesture and told me, ‘You do realise it’s over 30 years since they invented electric windows?”

Bun in the oven
A WORLD Fringe Day is taking place in July to mark the 70th anniversary of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. What fun the performers have in Edinburgh. We remember Welsh stand-up Dan Mitchell saying he once had to spend the night on a park bench in Edinburgh during the Fringe as there was a mix-up over his accommodation. In the morning he woke to find a Rustlers microwaveable burger by his head. Said Dan: “My only problem was, if they thought I was homeless, where was I going to get a microwave?”

Tory bogey man
TORY MSP Murdo Fraser has made his own claim about what children say at election time by stating on social media: “Had an SNP canvasser at the door last week.
My nine-year-old answered and said, ‘Scottish nose pickers!’ How we laughed.”

OAPs and their high spirits
WE like the way pensioners with their free tickets have commandeered buses.
Deedee Cuddihy tells us: “The bus from Glasgow to Dundee, full of ladies in their sixties, had barely left Buchanan Street Station when the picnic goodies were brought out and, when rounding a corner  a Tupperware box of pancakes skited across the table.
The women laid their hands on the lid  in the manner of a ouija board session.
“This prompted one of them to enquire in a spooky voice, ‘Is there anybody there?’ to much hilarity.”

Wooden response
FIRST World Problems are minor difficulties only found in developed countries.
As a Kippen reader told us: “Like most modern families in these environmentally aware days, we have embraced full re-cycling
“However where do we re-cycle the little wooden boxes that the Port comes in?  I’m sure we are not the only folk to have that problem, or have we missed a re-cycling bin?”
Any more?