AH the Glasgow banter. John Dunlop from Bearsden tells us: "During the recent demolition of a derelict community centre in Easterhouse, and with tongue heavily planted in cheek, I asked the contractor what he was going to do about the resident rats whose house he was taking away. Quick as a flash came the reply, 'It's OK - we're re-homing them in Pollok'."
BIT of a thumping for Rangers at the weekend. Celtic fans always try to rile Rangers supporters by claiming they are a new club. So as Andrew Macleod comments: "Good thing there is no Old Firm or this would be embarrassing."
STREET traders continued. Says Archie White in Jordanhill: "There was the teacher in pre-decimal days who was fed up with his class making puns on everything he said, so he announced, 'Anyone who makes a pun on my remarks will be fined a shilling'. Immediately someone muttered, 'Shilling a pun'."
AND we also moved on to newspaper vendors with Ben Tourney recalling: "I was on the Waverley paddle steamer in the seventies, and just before we sailed from Ayr, a newspaper seller was sauntering along the deck, delivering in a muted intonation the message, 'Ailsa Craig washed ashore. Aisle Craig washed ashore'. So maybe 'fake news' isn't all that new a phenomenon."
THE news story about the fox hunting trial in the Borders brings forth the comment from a Glasgow reader: "I don't know why hunting is called a sport. Is it really a sport when one team doesn't know the match has started?"
THE Herald's letters page has been holding a debate on cakes named after Scottish towns. Observes Norrie Christie: "No one has mentioned the Ecclefechan Tart. A disincentive could be due to the locals' habit of dropping the prefix when referring to their village. Hence the tasty baked concoction of dried fruits in a pastry shell is colloquially known as a 'Fechan Tart'. I first became aware of the local custom when standing at a bus stop in Annan I was asked if the Fechan bus had been."
WE discussed first world problems and how a Kippen reader wondered how to recycle the wooden boxes port bottles come in, with the suggestion being that in Stirlingshire they are of course used as kindling in wood-burning stoves. A reader swears to us a woman in a Stirling coffee shop read out the Diary story to her friend who declared: "What a good idea! We don't have a log burner, but I'm sure we could use it in the chiminea."
ONE should be wary about taking relationship advice from someone in a Glasgow bar, but nevertheless a reader passes on an observation he heard at the weekend when the toper further up the bar told his pals: "See when a woman asks if something she's wearing makes her look fat? She knows you're going to answer 'No'. It's the speed in which you say it that's she's really looking out for."
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