Bit of a derby

WE mentioned school toilets, and Tom Bradshaw cheers us up with: “I was Headteacher at St Thomas Aquinas Secondary in Glasgow and until 2003 the building was in a poor state of repair.

“It was best summed up by a young lad who said to me one morning, ‘Sir, I wouldn’t go into the boys toilet, it’s like the Black Hole of Kentucky’.

“I took his word for it.”

Top man

SAD to hear of the death of Blue Peter presenter John Noakes who had our nerves jangling when he climbed a ladder to the top of Nelson’s Column with no safety gear.

He was so high up he later joked in an interview: I thought I saw somebody in Glasgow waving.”

Late bloomer

WE asked what you did in school and never did since, and Alison Ireland in Kirn was one of a number of ladies who told us: “Running about in public with my blouse tucked in my navy blue knickers.”

In the bag

OUR Glasgow shop with the “Nae dugs” sign reminds Foster Evans: “Renfrew stalwart and cobbler Bill Macguinness was sick of being asked to do bag repairs so he put a sign in his window stating ‘No Bfag Repairs’. People would say to him, ‘There is no F in bag repairs’ and he’d reply, ‘You’re right’.”

Losing your mobility

WE wondered what Donald Trump’s been up to and a reader in America explains: “When he was on his foreign trip he wasn’t putting messages out on Twitter and I thought he was perhaps becoming more statesmanlike. Now he’s back in the USA he’s back on Twitter, so I suspect that he had simply failed to pay for international roaming on his phone.”

On the face of it

A WEST End reader tells us: “A woman in my local coffee shop at the weekend was telling her pals, ‘You can never tell a woman that her baby is ugly, so a polite way to do it is to tell her that it looks just like her husband’.”

Every picture tells a story

LOTS of folk have been commenting on how bad golfer Tiger Woods looks in his police picture after being arrested for suspected drink driving.

Well done to bookies Paddy Power coming to his defence by telling one critic: “No kidding? Doubt the police gave him 30 goes at it and a filter like your selfies on Instagram.”

Looking on the bright side

CONGRATULATIONS to Judith Ralston being named the nation’s third favourite weather presenter by Radio Times readers even though she only appears on BBC Scotland. We like the way she engages with the public as someone posted on Facebook: “I came home from early shift and started painting the garden wall at 11am. It is pouring down with rain now at 12.20 here in Arbroath. So much for a good day on the east.” Judith took the time to reply: “Sorry Kevin, it was a bit if a nightmare this morning. The radar wasn’t wasn’t performing too well. Apologies.”

Well done!