Going round in circles

OUR tale about Glasgow Subway conversations reminds a reader of being on the Subway when two strangers got into a conversation about how the white line on the platform to keep passengers back from the edge is lighter at the points where the doors open. Both chaps got off the Subway to check, and were not quick enough to get back on board before the doors closed. Particularly agitated was the wife of one of them who was now waving frantically at the window while travelling on the Subway without her husband.

Got it licked

GETTING old continued. Says David Donaldson: “You know you’re old when your granddaughter asks what a stationery shop is and the explanation that it was a place that sold Quink, foolscap paper, carbon paper and manila envelopes doesn’t help much.”

Lording it over the editor

SAD to hear of the death of retired High Court judge Lord McCluskey who spent many years as head of the judging panel for the Scottish Press Awards. One year he was due to make the introductory speech at the awards but was delayed by the late running of a major trial. The then Herald editor Arnold Kemp was announced as the stand-in speaker but just before he stood up, Lord McCluskey arrived and told guests: “Apologies for the late arrival, and my thanks to Arnold for agreeing to step in. However I’ve had a glance at his speech notes and, ladies and gentlemen, you’ve had a lucky escape.”

Life’s a beach

ANOTHER day of thousands of youngsters from Glasgow heading to the beach at Troon which some folk believe is somehow a bad thing. We turn to social media for guidance on this vexed issue where someone writes: “I see the weans are causin’ havoc on the trains to Troon. Whatever happened to buildin’ a den and sniffin’ glue instead?”

Spoon-fed

A HYNDLAND reader was impressed when the fridge/freezer suddenly packed in at the weekend and her husband announced: “I’ll handle it’. She didn’t realise he possessed electrical skills but then ten minutes later she went into the kitchen and found he was simply sitting at the table eating a tub of ice cream.

Shop soiled

A READER in the Silverburn shopping centre on Sunday heard a harassed woman tell her pal: “God I hope there’s no such thing as reincarnation. I’m way too knackered to do this again.”

Kissing a sailor

THE United Kingdom Defence Journal, an august publication on matters military, held a survey amongst readers on what the nickname for HMS Glasgow being built at Govan should be. The winner was The Big Yin, presumably encompassing the size of the destroyer plus the fact that popular comedian Billy Connolly once worked in a Govan shipyard as a welder. We simply pass on that the suggestion which came second, The Glasgow Kiss, has a more warlike meaning in the streets of the city.

Missing millions

TODAY’S idle musing comes from a reader who phones to ask us: “Do you think there is someone in Nigeria just now who is telling his pal, ‘I didn’t get a single reply to my email so I’m just going to give all that money to charity’.”