Posing pooch

HALLOWE'EN today of course, and we learn that our cousins across the Atlantic have taken it a step further. Reader John Dunlop, visiting San Francisco, spots a poster for a competition in a local park for the dogs with the best Hallowe'en costume - separate prizes for best small dog and best large dog. And the name of the contest? "Howl'o'ween" of course.

And musician Roy Gullane performing in Oregon City tells us: "I saw posters inviting interested citizenry, thanks to the legalisation of cannabis in the state, to participate in a 'Halloweed Party'."

Bowled over

BACK home, a south side reader getting the train into town yesterday heard a commuter tell his pal: "I was thinking of just leaving an empty bowl at the front door with a sign saying, 'Please Take One'. I mean, we're Scottish so it's never too early to teach children the meaning of disappointment.'

Smiling assassins

READER Jim Lynch in Edinburgh was watching Health Secretary Shona Robison being grilled by Gordon Brewer on the telly with the sub-titles on, and noticed that when Shona said "opposition parties are hypercritical" the words on the screen were "happy critical" which Jim thought was a more accurate description of the opposition politicians.

What's that pet?

NEWCASTLE actor and singer Jimmy Nail is to appear at Glasgow's Theatre Royal next summer in the touring production of singer Sting's musical The Last Ship. Jimmy of course came to prominence as a builder in Auf Wiedersehen Pet, and the BBC admitted that when the first series was aired some viewers complained that they couldn't understand Jimmy's broad Geordie accent. Writer Dick Clement helpfully commented: "Neither could I, and I wrote the bloody thing."

Hingin' together

WE asked for your GP stories and Bob Byiers says:; "My favourite is the one from the Diary years ago about the locum doctor in Ayrshire who was having difficulties with the local speech patterns. He asked his colleagues what a patient would mean when she said 'she was jist hingin'. The reply was not overly helpful as a local doctor answered, 'She's probably just a bit peely-wally'."

Stoned

READER Martin Morrison comments on the news from abroad: "Reuters says that Saudi Arabian authorities will allow women to attend sporting events in stadiums. With them now driving cars and sometimes even shopping unchaperoned, if it carries on like this they'll be wanting to go to the stonings next."

Puts finger on it

GROWING old continued. Says a Simshill reader: "When your finger gets stiff from scrolling so far down on an on-line form to reach your year of birth."

Scheming footballers

IT'S 50 years ago this year that Jim Baxter took the mickey out of England when Scotland beat the then world champions at Wembley. Jim Orr has written a play about that day Bend It Like Baxter which will be performed next month at Websters Theatre in Glasgow. It somehow reminds us of when Real Madrid's Ferenc Puskas asked Slim Jim to take him out on the town after a game in Glasgow and they ended up at a party in Drumchapel. As Jim later remarked: "I've always thought that there should be a plaque in Drumchapel which would state 'The great footballer Puskas scored here'."