Rocking the boat

SAD to hear of the death of American singer David Cassidy who always attracted his old fans whenever he played in Glasgow. His pop songs were not to everyone's taste though. When rock star Alice Cooper was in Scotland playing golf he reminisced: "When I was at my peak of fame my agent asked of me two things. One was never to mention my friendship with David Cassidy. The other was never to say anything in public about how much I loved golf. Both confessions, they claimed, would ruin me."

Bear necessities

YES, it's time for school nativity plays. A reader tells us their five-year-old grandson came home and announced he was playing the part of the stable bear. The family thought it was an ingenious way to give every child in class a part to perform until a letter home explained he was actually the innkeeper and had to deliver the line, 'I've a stable bare'."

Keeping an eye out

AMATEUR and BB fitba' continued. Says Murray MacMillan: "I have fond memories of my playing days with St Modan's High School FPs in Bannockburn. In one game, played on the sort of muddy pitch that prevailed from October to April in these days, one of our players was clattered by a rather robust tackle and his glass eye popped out. Our opponents thought it was a wind-up when we asked then to help find it. After a few minutes, one of our team shouted, 'Hey Davie, what colour is it?' 'Brown' came the reply. 'Well this isnae it – this yin's blue'."

Sofa so good

A FEW Celtic fans were a bit nervous about their Champions League match against Paris St Germain last night. The club had used social media to publish a map of the world and asked Celtic's world-wide fan base where they were watching the game from. One fan replied: "From behind the couch."

Home truth

SOME truth here as Kieran Gormley comments: "Ryanair announce flight sales more often than my mam announces she's the only one who does anything around the house."

Snow joke

IT'S disappointing how many people in the entertainment world have been accused of some unacceptable behaviour towards women. Andrew McAllister in Stirling heard it being discussed locally where someone asked: "Who is Aled Jones anyway?" A pal replied: "He sang the song from The Snowman?" "What does he look like?" was the follow-up question. "White and round and has a carrot for a nose," was the reply.

Hip hip hooray

A BIT of a stressful time of year. A reader in Glasgow heard two women in a city-centre coffee shop taking a break from Christmas shopping discussing how they never have any time for themselves. One of them declared: "The sexiest I've felt for a long time was when I had my hands full in the kitchen and did one of those slinky hip bumps to close a kitchen drawer."

Book it

"SHOULD we be taken in by British shops trying to bring over the American Black Friday discount day?" asks a reader. "Not at all," we reply. "Simplest thing is just buy everyone a copy of the new Herald Diary book which is still under a tenner and includes the story of the tipsy girl in the late-night taxi queue at Central Station who was overheard telling her pal, 'I'm sorry if you were offended when I called you an idiot. I honestly thought you already knew'."