Zenit meditation
Fake news news, and as Celtic fans gather in St Petersburg for tonight’s second leg against Zenit, a warning that thieves are posing as police officers has been dismissed by the Russians as fake news, which dismissal was then described as fake news about fake news. Which must mean it’s true. Or, you know, false. Back in Scotia, meanwhile, Lachlan Bradley says one chap at Kirkintilloch Men’s Shed had watched the first leg on Russian TV and came away thinking Celtic had lost 1-0 (they won 1-0). Possibly, his first clue that this was fake fitba’ came when the commentator said Zenit were wearing green and white hoops.
Better out than in
More inebriated ladies at gigs: Paisley reader Alan Barlow recalls country star Willie Nelson being late coming on stage in Glasgow, prompting two well-refreshed dames to start chanting: “Come out, come out and show us your Willie!” Worst of it was, says Alan, it worked: the man instantly appeared.
Give us a break
Unusual holiday destinations, and Auchtermuchty man John Marshall recommends his own fine Fife town, pointing out that Oor Wullie went there once. In tones of amazement, John adds that his friends’ parents went to Errol for their honeymoon. There’s no shortage of entertainment. The pretty Perthshire village has a unicorn on its mercat cross.
Beer o’clock
Reader Paul O’Sullivan, and indeed much of Canada, is well impressed with Shawn Germain, husband of the country’s Winter Olympics curler Rachel Homan. Shawn was a bag of nerves as his wife took to the field – or whatever it is – against Japan, and was pictured at 9am clutching his fourth beer. As the photies circulated on yonder internet, he felt obliged to point out: “I’m not a drunk, just a Canadian.” Yep, and he’s drinking Korea dry.
Kyle Hitler
Our man Thirtybob was one of many supermarket customers who felt deeply perturbed on seeing another shopper appearing to give a Nazi salute and shouting “Sieg Heil!” Imagine their relief when it emerged the laddie was waving goodbye to a mate on the checkout accompanied by the words: “See ye, Kyle!”
Pothole luck
A Wemyss Bay reader expresses cynicism at Scotland TranServe, which maintains the A78 and informed residents out of the blue that “an opportunity has arisen” to bring forward work to repair potholes on the road. Indeed, work started on Monday, and continued on Tuesday, just ahead of the undoubted coincidence that Princess Anne was due to visit yesterday. Lesson: if you want your potholes done, invite a royal.
Bright start
John Mulholland’s story about his daughter planning to read the Bible during Lent reminds Liz Robertson of her own nine-year-old telling her she was going to read the whole thing. “I’m half-way through Genius already,” she declared proudly.
The croak’s on us
An Edinburgh reader writes: “Apropos of nothing, I thought you might like this.” Yes, we’ll be the judge of that. “My mate Johnny is just one of those naturally funny folk. We were out hill-walking when a bunch of crows landed nearby and started croaking at us. Johnny just looked at them and, deadpan, said: ‘Bit harsh.’ I’m sure even the crows cackled.” Ach, we did too.
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