Give it a try

SCOTS rugby fans are still celebrating that glorious win over England on Saturday. As a journalist in Edinburgh put it yesterday: "I've just watched the game again on TV as I had recorded it. It's funny watching a game knowing you're going to win it - must be what it's like being an All Blacks supporter."

Brush off

THE other sporting event at the weekend was the closing ceremony in the Winter Olympics. A Glasgow reader swears to us he heard a chap in his local tell his pals: "I got stopped for speeding. Police officer asked me if I knew how fast I was going. Tried to tell him there were two guys in front of my car with brushes furiously scrubbing the road and it inadvertently increased my speed."

And the German Foreign Office, showing that they actually do have a sense of humour, put out the "travel advisory" after that shock German win over Canada in the ice hockey: "Germans in Canada should exercise a high degree of empathy. Be nice, don't gloat, give hugs, buy rounds of hot chocolate." It then added: "Just imagine how you would feel if Canada beat us at football."

Spell it out

A READER in Hyndland emails us with some safety advice: "You should never text while you are driving. All it takes is one moment of distraction and suddenly everyone in the group chat thinks you can't spell."

What a save

THE death of American evangelist Billy Graham, who held huge rallies in Scotland, takes us back to the obituary of The Herald's legendary industrial editor Ian Imrie. I quote from the paper: "More surprisingly, given the fact that he had not a single molecule of religious belief in his being, he once astounded colleagues sent to cover the razzmatazz of a Billy Graham evangelical crusade in Glasgow by trooping down the aisle at the Kelvin Hall to be 'saved'. Drink, it must be said, had been taken. But the American evangelist remained a firm friend through the years, phoning regularly from the States to inquire after his health."

Egged on

READER Gordon Brown reads in The Herald that fast food chain KFC are still expecting restaurant closures this week after a new delivery contract with DHL sparked chicken shortages across the country, and he tells us: "I hear that DHL are in for the distribution contract for Cadbury’s Easter deliveries. Having screwed up KFC they now can’t decide what to deliver first - the chicken or the egg."

That'll teach them

THE scary news from America is that Donald Trump's solution to the school shootings in that country is to arm teachers. As our old chum photographer Wattie Cheung observes: "It was bad enough my old teachers had the belt. Can't imagine what it would have been like if they were armed."

In the dark

GOING to the cinema has taken a new turn with Odeon refurbishing its cinemas at The Quay and East Kilbride to give film fans fully reclinable leather seats - you can easily have forty winks if the film doesn't hold your attention. Anyway it allows Diary chum John Sword to reminisce: "My dad years ago told me about a friend who married an usherette from the Rio at Bearsden. At the church she walked down the aisle backwards.

"Younger readers won't get it."