On the march

FORMER MP and MSP Dennis Canavan was visiting a picket line yesterday of members of the University and College Union campaigning to save their pensions. He tells us it reminded him of a previous campaign years ago when members of the Association of University Teachers were marching through London seeking pay parity as many university lecturers were being paid less than college lecturers. Says Dennis: "Trade unionists often took to the streets holding up banners with catchy slogans like 'Stop the Cuts!' and 'Save Our Jobs!' but the prize for the most erudite banner surely had to go the AUT with 'Please rectify this anomaly now!'"

Snap chat

A GLASGOW reader hears a young chap in his pub announce: "Glasgow City Council sent me a photograph of my car in a bus lane, and they wanted sixty quid for it. I sent it back though – it was way too expensive and the quality was really bad."

Getting the blues

OLD music fans are saddened by the news that the print edition of their old favourite music newspaper, the NME, has ceased. However many said it was not as good as it used to be. As Karl Minns cleverly put it: "At the end, it was its own worst NME."

We still remember our old chum and colleague Tom Shields coming in and saying he was handed a flyer in Byres Road for an east-coast band appearing in Studio One that night which had two quotes printed on it stating "A magical blues band'' and ''The best we've seen, and we've heard a lot''. "Are these words of praise from NME?" Tom asked the leafleter. "No," she replied, "it was a bloke at our last gig in Forfar.''

Saving the Queen

THE lights are about to come up on our old cinema stories, but time for Neil Dunn to tell us: "Many years ago I had an unpaid job as a monitor for the Saturday morning kids' matinee at the Waverley cinema in Shawlands. Free entry without queuing was the only payment and my only task, apart from spotting smokers, was to guard the emergency exit to stop anyone attempting to leave before 'The Queen' was finished playing. Can't think of this catching on nowadays."

Bit of a spin

DON'T know what to make of the stories claiming champion cyclist Bradley Wiggins took prescription drugs to enhance his performance. A west-end reader comes to his aid and tells us: "I've got nothing but respect for Bradley. I once took drugs and tried to cycle and ended up swerving to miss a dog and ended up in the canal."

Worth a packet

SCOTTISH Apprenticeship Week just now and Jim Allan in Cellardyke recalls: "I worked temporarily for MacDonald Aircraft near Kinross where my apprentice wage just covered my digs, and I was horrified when the foreman told me on pay day, 'We a’ pit hawf-a-croon a week intae a sweep an’ whaever’s clock number comes up wins the pot. So, see’s yer money'. Very reluctantly I handed over my two-and-six, leaving me with less than £2 towards my rent. The clock number was drawn and, to my delight, it was mine. Over three weeks' wages in one fell swoop. Next Friday the foreman demanded my money again and amazingly I won again. The following week he told me there had been a decision that temporary apprentices were no longer eligible."

Marxist talk

OUR gags about French films remind Barrie Crawford: "Visiting Paris years ago when I was studying French I thought it would be a good idea to go to the cinema and listen to a film in French that I had already seen. I spotted a cinema showing ‘Une nuit à Casablanca’, a Marx Brothers’ film, but only after it began did I realise it was in the original English with French subtitles. It was odd to experience the one-second delay it took the French audience to react to the subtitles."