Kicks off
WHAT to do about Russia? A breathless Celtic fan phones us with this urgent comment: "If there's irrefutable proof that Russia is behind the biological weapons attack on UK soil then the only punitive action should be to expel Zenit St Petersburg from the Europa League with the last team they played – whoever that was – taking their place."
Egged on
OUR boiling eggs stories remind Ian Young: "A friend I shared digs with at Edinburgh Uni in the 1960s used to stay longer in bed in the morning, then save time by putting his breakfast egg in the kettle which he was boiling to make his breakfast tea. The same chap would determine when his socks needed washing by throwing them at the bedroom wall and if they stuck there, they needed washed."
Royal occasion
THE sad death of comedian Jim Bowen reminds us of when he appeared at the Edinburgh Fringe to talk about his career and to put on a version of his rickety but much-loved quiz show Bullseye. A reader once told us he was at Jim's Fringe show where an Edinburgh girl was asked in the general knowledge part of the recreated game show: "Which old Queen was retired to Long Beach, California?" She answered: "Liberace."
Hair-raising
TALKING about the great Cunard liners, entertainer Jimmie Macgregor rounds off our apprentice stories by recalling: "We were filming the White Heather Club on board the QE2 just before it was launched at Clydebank. As I was descending a gang-plank I met a young apprentice coming up. 'Wherrs a' the burds?' he enquired, expecting to meet the White Heather Club dancers. I had to inform him that there wiz nae burds, as they had broken for lunch. He swore then cheerfully added, 'And here's me went and combed up a' ma herr ana' tae'."
Colourful tale
MANY people are mourning the death of scientist Stephen Hawking who tried to make difficult concepts about Earth and the universe understood by those without a scientific background. That didn't mean he was always serious. His daughter Lucy once told The Herald's Susan Swarbrick that her biggest mistake was dyeing her hair pink, and then orange, so that it ended up a startling vermilion. Said Lucy: "The only person who liked my hair was my Dad. I got a temporary job as a researcher in a television newsroom. It was an open-plan newsroom so viewers could see us all behind the presenter. Dad said my new hair made it very obvious to him whether I was at work or not. He thought that was excellent."
Light goes on
TODAY'S piece of whimsy comes from a Partick reader who emails: "Just imagine someone comes up to you, unbuttons your shirt, stares at you from top to bottom and then leaves.
"That's how fridges must feel."
Glasgow laugh
FOLK are still recalling the humour of the late Ken Dodd, and Tom Peck says: "Ken was on the Michael Parkinson Show where he explained, 'If you tell a joke in Glasgow, they laugh. In Birmingham, they don't.' When Parky asked, 'Why's that?' he replied, 'They can't hear it'."
Watch him
NOPE, can’t escape a colleague who corners me and announces: “A distant relative has left me a priceless watch in her will. Hope it’s not a wind-up.”
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