Beat that

More tales about late American chef Anthony Bourdain’s love affair with Glasgow. Anthony caused a bit of unrest among sensitive citizens when, after a trip to the city for a CNN documentary, he said it was the place to go for “a beer and a beating”. Characterising the resultant furore as “bullshit”, he declared in a tweet: “Adore Glasgow.” Peace was fully restored when he recalled the old adage that “Glaswegians have more fun at a funeral than people in Edinburgh have at a wedding.”

Taught a lesson

Continuing our series about being telling folk your job, Arthur Bell recalls: “I taught PE for 25 years and was often asked, ‘So, you are a teacher, what do you teach?’ Answer: ’Children.’”

Poundworld foolish

Reader John B. Henderson feels sad, as do we all, that jobs are under threat at Poundworld, with the cheap and cheerful chain collapsing into administration. However, he detected a distinct sense of cruel irony when the BBC reported that “Poundworld was laid low by the drop in the value of the pound”.

Roll of honour

North-East reader David Russell tells us he was “weel acquantit” (tr: well acquainted) with an ice cream wafer being a slider, but declares: “Geeza Glesga oyster any day.” Salivating freely, he recalls another culinary oddity, much familiar to Diary readers: “I once witnessed a shipyard worker in a Scotstoun pub eat a City Bakeries roll with a hot pie stuffed in it.” The present Diarist first saw this gastronomic sin committed by an Aberdonian in Lerwick. Big lad, as we recall.

Living dangerously

Getting on, and our man in Kilbirnie muses: “You know you’re getting old when, out in the sun and having forgotten the sun-screen, you think: ‘What the hell.’”

Eye will follow

It pays in politics to keep your eyes peeled and your wits about you. Lesley Wilson, former PA to Tommy Dingwall, who preceded the late Pat Lally as Glasgow’s Lord Provost, tells us that Tommy visited the third floor of the City Chambers to check out some very old portraits (a lot of fur and probably some knickers) as he wanted to see if there were any styles that he’d like for his own impending depiction. Alas, no. Declared Tommy: “I want one where the eyes follow you round the room!” Says Lesley: “Seek it out. He got his wish.”

The devil you nose

An urgent missive from theatre-land tells us that top nasal drama Cyrano de Bergerac is coming to theatres in Glasgow, Edinburgh and Inverness later this year. Sounds like a great cast, including Brian Ferguson as Cyrano and Jessica Hardwick as Roxane. Have to say we’re always reminded of the famous Morecambe and Wise version of the play, and particularly the following exchange. Eric Morecambe (as Cyrano): “What would it take for you to kiss me?” Penelope Keith (as Queen of France): “Chloroform.”

Common as earth

Anyone looking for a goat-leather satchel from India might be tempted to try eBay, where reader David Donaldson spotted one, which was advertised as having a a “special earthy smell” and which, furthermore, was ideal for “students, office workers and common people”. Alas, the Diary doesn’t fit into any of these categories.

Ken Smith is away.