In his satirical news magazine series, Brass Eye, writer and director Chris Morris had a memorable sketch where celebrities appeared on TV and warned kids about a fictional Eastern European drug called Cake.
Noel Edmonds, Bernard Manning, Sir Bernard Ingham all came on screen and spouted ridiculous warnings about something that didn't exist. The more earnest they remained the funnier it became as they highlighted the perils of taking this non-existent drug.
The sketch was very funny, if cruel, highlighting the vacuous, needy, narcissist nature of celebrity. The side which craves any opportunity to promote themselves as soon as they see a camera. It also highlighted that they'll say anything without fully researching or having an understanding of the facts.
I only highlight the Brass Eye sketch because the ad in support of Better Together, in which celebrities plead with me to stay, did one thing. It made me wonder why there wasn't a pill that helped with extreme cringing. It was very unappetising, the only interesting statistic being the length of the projectile I could vomit.
If those behind the throne within the Conservative Party think Cameron shouldn't take on Alex Salmond in a TV debate because he's too toxic in Scotland then they should address the fixation with putting up John Barrowman. Surely, he has to be the most irritating and fatuous celebrity, false and disingenuous.
When BT patronise and plead for me not to go, my question back to them is where do they think I'm going? Seriously? Where? Better Together have based their strategy on the concept of a physical and geographical separation, of division. I'm leaving? But I'm not packing. The USP seems to be way too simplistic, like an adolescent pleading with their first love not to break up. It's a little more important and complex than that.
Their angle of approach ignores the level of political debate, one of a nation that knows what it wants (or doesn't). It's not about physical borders and geography, for most sane Scots, it's not a referendum of maps and flags but one of hearts and minds. It's about creating a just, fairer and more modern society, a country which can make its own decisions. It's not about failed soap actors and washed-up former TV presenters like Trinny and Suzanne and geriatric luvvies with Polaroids or picture postcards of what the old country used to be. That Scotland doesn't exist anymore. They can't see the poverty, homelessness, the food banks for seeing mist on the moor.
My answer to those pleading is why did you leave? You couldn't get out quick enough, please debate all you want, yes, have an opinion but when you left, you gave up your right to vote. When you left us, your family and friends gave their blessing and hoped you'd find a better life, more money, we applauded your ambition, we said well done and supported you. Now we who stayed have the chance to create an ambitious nation, one that can take care of its own affairs, it would be nice to have your support back. When we supported you for leaving, now you're complaining about us for doing the same thing.
Power and politics will change but Scotland isn't floating off in a fast frame glaciation to be part of Scandinavia; we're staying and will work and be part of your life just the same.
It's hard to feel sorry for the Lib Dems and I definitely don't. The idea of both the Conservatives and Labour ganging up against them for feeling guilty about the bedroom tax is risible. Labour accused them of 'unbelievable hypocrisy' over calls for changes to, depending on your viewpoint the bedroom tax or spare room subsidy. Danny Alexander insists the Lib Dems want fairer rules. This could be more to do with self-preservation though. When you consider how unpopular they are with voters, half of them might be looking for digs next year and seeking sanctuary in a pal's spare bedroom.
In a seamless segway and purely by coincidence, while in Waterstones this week I picked up a political biography about Roy Jenkins, called A Well Rounded Life, written by John Campbell. I actually couldn't put it down. He was just a bit before my time and I didn't know he had achieved so much. Like the book intimates, he was probably the best PM Britain didn't have. Fifty years in politics from Atlee to Blair and really left his mark, transforming the nation. As Home Secretary in the 1960s he was central in decriminalising homosexuality, the legalisation of abortion, abolished theatre censorship and helped outlaw discrimination on race and gender.
The Conservatives, surprise surprise called him the Godfather of the permissive society because he pioneered and championed gay rights, racial equality and feminism. If all that wasn't enough he also reformed the legal system and introduced the independent police complaints commission. He also took an active role in taking the UK into the Common Market and embraced the concept of being a modern European nation…What an incredible political life, clearly a great politician.
Compare that with Beaker and Clegg? He would have something to say about those two. What always amazes me about the Lib Dems is that over the years they have had really capable people like Lord Owen, Baroness Shirley Williams, Lord Ashdown, Malcolm Bruce, Menzies Campbell, Vince (Royal Mail) Cable, Charles Kennedy and Simon Hughes yet have always over promised and under delivered.
I ended up buying a coffee and staying for another hour, the book was that good. I didn't buy it, 20 quid? Do I look completely stupid? Don't answer that…I'll buy it in a charity shop for two quid in a few months time.
I'm away to have a cocktail cabinet reshuffle…Cosmopolitans on me…