HUMZA Yousaf shouldn’t give up the day job, judging by his patter at yesterday’s SNP rally in Glasgow. Trying to gee up a thin crowd, he hollered: “All right! Make some noise for Nicola Sturgeon!” then launched into a rambling Star Wars gag. “May the Fourth be with you!” he joked. “For all you Star Wars fans,” he had to explain. Get it? Fourth? May? Oh, never mind. Let’s just say the response was colder than a tauntaun’s knackers on the ice planet Hoth.
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MEANWHILE in Edinburgh, Ruth Davidson’s warm-up went down a storm. Beardy Scottish Secretary David Mundell, whose beardy son Oliver is the Tory candidate for Dumfriesshire, shared his doorstep highlight. “You really look your dad,” someone told him . “I took that as a positive,” he deadpanned.
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THERE was much puzzling at the event over Labour’s ballot slogan. The SNP have “Nicola Sturgeon for First Minister”, the Tories “Ruth Davidson for a Strong Opposition”, but Labour have gone for the cryptic “Kids not Cuts”. They should at least have mentioned their leader’s name, sighed Mr Mundell, prompting one wag to suggest: “Kezia Dugdale - for now”.
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IS Labour’s Ken Macintosh OK? The Eastwood incumbent seems a tad nervous, going by a new tear-soaked letter to voters. “You know the sort of person I am,” he blubs. “You know I care about your life and your future. I have never let you down in all the time I have had the privilege to represent you.” Oh God, please take me back. Please! Please!
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LOTHIAN Greens Alison Johnstone and Andy Wightman visited a nursery the other day, where the kids painted a map of Scotland and added dozens of new islands. Mr Wightman, an expert on land, was intrigued. “I take it you’re wondering who owns them and whether they pay tax,” quipped a colleague.
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FINALLY, the diary would like to thank all our contributors over the weeks, without whom we’d have had to report real news. You know who you are, even if your parties don’t. Thanks also to Ruth Davidson, Kezia Dugdale, Patrick Harvie and Willie Rennie for engaging with Herald readers in our live Facebook Q&As. Only Nicola Sturgeon was too busy. And, of course, a very special thanks to the SNP’s elusive Fulton 'No Show' MacGregor whose absences in Coatbridge & Chryston made him such a presence in Unspun. We'll be following your new career with equal interest.
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