WHEN politicians say weird things like “I see utter consistency” you know they’re in trouble. It’s just not right, is it? It’s not as bad as “I see dead people”. But it’s still pretty skew-whiff.

So when Nicola Sturgeon said it about fish, it was obvious she was, well, floundering.

Fish don’t get their due at FMQs, but the election, Brexit and independence have raised our delicious friends from the depths of the North Sea to the crucible of national debate.

Tory leader Ruth Davidson lobbed a boatload at the First Minister by asking why two SNP MPs had signed a pledge to keep Scotland out the EU Common Fisheries Policy.

That meant being out the EU after Brexit - the opposite of SNP policy, Ms Davidson said.

“Does the FM not see the utter hypocrisy here?”

Ms Sturgeon saw only “utter consistency” in SNP scepticism toward the CFP.

She listed the party’s positions: 2007 withdrawal; 2014 reform. It didn’t sound very consistent.

She accused of Ms Davidson of shifting her own position on Brexit, anti before, now pro.

“Ruth Davidson flip-flops more than a fish being landed - flip-flop, flip-flop.” Not exactly a classic, but the SNP benches clapped and honked like sea lions at feeding time.

The FM then cited paragraph 8.16 of the UK Brexit White Paper, which said ministers wanted - gasp! - “a mutually beneficial deal that works for the UK and the EU’s fishing communities”.

It’s hard to imagine an independent Scotland’s EU application form varying much from this bland guff, but the FM was adamant. The ‘hake clause’ was proof of Tory perfidy.

“It means the Tories are lining up to sell out the fishing industry,” she snapped. “The SNP stands up for our fishing industry.”

There was then a long intermission as the usually mute Borders Tory John Lamont itemised a £900 water and sewerage bill facing a local good cause. “Speech!” everyone moaned.

Mr Lamont, naturally, is standing in the June election and so wanted to make an impression.

He did. As a nit. Ms Sturgeon knew of the case and had already told officials to fix it. “That is the kind of action that people can expect from an SNP government,” she smiled sharkily.

LibDem leader Willie Rennie somehow went one better.

Attacking Ms Sturgeon for being “shifty and evasive” over Europe, he asked: “Does the First Minister really think that we are all buttoned up the back?” There was universal nodding.

“I think most people watching this would think, Yes, the LibDems appear to button up the back,” she replied. It seems Mr Rennie is also utterly consistent. But not in a good way.