Stalling for time

WE ARE delighted to note that Scottish politics is in such rude health that all the stalls were let long ago for the forthcoming Labour conference in three weeks' time. At least that's what Yes Scotland were told when they asked to hire space in Inverness. Allan Grogan of Labour for Independence moaned: "It's another example of the lack of democracy in the Labour Party in Scotland. We have never even had a vote on the issue but they are denying members access even to the most basic information on the case for independence."

It couldn't be (1)

NO, IT couldn't be, could it? Has the famous sultan of spin been hiding in the cupboard under the No 10 stairs to emerge all these years later without anyone noticing? Downing Street has a new member of staff, who has already been putting out emails. The person in question is called none other than . . . Alastair Campbell.

One can imagine David Cameron's eyebrows rising with alarm when he found out that there was someone working in No 10 with the same name as Tony Blair's former communications chief. Despite the fact the new AC is tall and has Scots ancestry, I'm told, sadly, it's not the same person. That really would have been fun.

It couldn't be (2)

WE HAVE similar feelings of "Surely not?" at the latest missive from Patrick Harvie of the Greens, atheism's chief envoy at Holyrood, and organiser of the forthcoming visit of AC Grayling, high priest of the anti-God sect, to deliver the Time for Reflection homily in the Chamber. Why was Harvie putting out a press release headed: "GOD IS RIGHT: SCOTLAND CAN DESIGN A BETTER TAX SYSTEM"? Closer inspection revealed GOD was former top mandarin Sir Gus O'Donnell, pictured, who said in a new book that parts of the UK tax system were "bonkers".

Juice wars

HAVEN'T Messrs AG Barr heard of the maxim that there is no such thing as bad publicity? "We would ask all political parties to respect Irn-Bru's neutrality on the question of independence and other political matters," they said, demanding the withdrawal by the SNP of a T-shirt sporting their colours with an "I'm Yes" logo. We were hoping for all-out constitutional cola wars, with Coke batting for a No vote (or perhaps Indy Lite) and Pepsi fronting up for Devo Max. As for Angostura Bitters Together, let's not go there.

Destiny's hamster

MOMENTOUS, historic, date with destiny – just a few of the descriptions bandied by Alex Salmond as he named the date of the independence referendum. But what was the most-read story on BBC Scotland's website that day? Mr Salmond may have been a little disappointed to learn it was "Hamster found wandering in blizzard."

Pushing the vote

Holyrood's referendum bill committee received a letter from Harry Hayfield, from Ceredigion in Wales, on behalf of a pal living in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. His chum was "at least 10% Scottish," was an independence supporter and wanted a vote in the referendum, he said. What are the chances? No chance, unfortunately for Mr Hayfield's friend. Apart from 16 and 17-year-olds, the franchise is the same as for Holyrood elections. In other words, you don't get a vote even if you have a Gettysburg address.

Posh nosh

BBC journalists striking over job cuts brought along a selection of tasty homemade delicacies to sustain them through a protest outside the corporation's Pacific Quay HQ in Glasgow. Muffins, pakora and garlic mushrooms in pitta bread were all handed round. National Union of Journalists officials, however, seemed concerned the fayre was insufficiently militant. "Can we please send out for some rolls and square sausage?" one was overheard to say.

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