LIE down everybody; Theresa May made a joke.
The computer-says-No premier momentarily shrugged off her Maybot image to laugh at her own expense. No, honestly.
The brief Commons session to re-elect the Speaker was led by the new Father of the House, Bagpuss himself, Ken Clarke.
In a love-in, John Bercow, seeking re-election for the big chair, praised Bagpuss, who has served 47 years come Sunday, and who was held in “great affection and esteem”.
Hush puppies on and collar askew, the Nottingham MP replied to Mr B’s kind words by noting how the former chancellor’s longevity was “about the only non-controversial fact you can assert about my parliamentary career”.
Former Welsh Secretary Cheryl Gillam proposed Mr B, oozing praise on him as an impartial champion of backbenchers. Under the Mediterranean tan, the head referee might have been blushing but it was hard to tell.
Even though he was proposed unopposed, Mr B went through the Pantomime ritual of appearing to be dragged reluctantly to the chair; “push him!” shouted one MP-to-be.
Then it was the turn of the Maybot; her first Commons appearance since you know what.
But her contribution was interrupted before it had begun as she bobbed up to the dispatch box and then had to bob back down again as the Serjeant at Arms put the golden mace from its lower rung to its upper. Another very important part of the Panto protocol.
Thezza displayed a deal of humility – God, it’s catching on after the 1922 mea culpa session – saying it showed a person could be in the Commons for 20 years and still not know all the Masonic rituals.
When she did begin her speech, the head girl turned to the Speaker and snipped: “At least someone got a landslide.”
She spoke of shared values and urged MPs to "come together in a spirit of national unity". Good luck.
Jezza, sporting a large red rose in his lapel, appeared at the dispatch box relaxed and confident; not something he could be accused of pre-election.
He quipped that if the Conservatives' “coalition of chaos” failed, then Labour stood ready to “offer strong and stable leadership in the national interest”. The comrades loved that and beamed collectively.
But, perhaps in keeping with the times, Jezza made an even better joke than the PM, referring to Bagpuss.
He told MPs: “I’ve never quite forgotten the image of the member for Rushcliffe in the tea room, wearing hush puppies, eating bacon sandwiches, drinking super strength lager and carrying a cigar while taking a break from a debate on healthy living.”
The old ones are the best ones.
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