His Excellency the Right Hon Sir Lockwood Smith, the High Commissioner of New Zealand, was today's VIP observer at First Minister's Questions.

But if he thought he was getting a break from acres of mindless sheep, he was in for a shock.

Normally it's consensus, that pillow over the face of Scottish politics, that ruins FMQs.

But some days it's just MSPs being themselves.

Some days, they just can't help talking drivel.

When Labour's Kezia Dugdale asked about fewer women attending college under the SNP, Nicola Sturgeon reached for a cliche even Alex Salmond had abandoned as too hoary.

"She never comes to the chamber with anything that is good news," the FM huffed.

"Her entire objective is to talk Scotland down."

Ms Dudgale pressed on, saying the number of women in college was down 85,656 since 2007.

"Shame," chorused delighted Labour MSPs.

At which, Christine Grahame, the SNP's answer to Craggy Island's Father Jack, suddenly burst in to life with a passionate cry of "Rubbish!"

Scenting a scene in the offing, Presiding Officer Tricia Marwick noisily demanded order.

"The member shouts 'Rubbish!'. Those are the Government's own figures," replied Ms Dugdale.

"I want to hear about Prestwick," wailed Ms Grahame, as if slipping back into a daydream.

"Ms Grahame!" barked the baffled PO.

"Here is a wee challenge for the First Minister," carried on Ms Dugdale.

"Let us see if she can get through a whole answer without mentioning the Labour Party."

As if! The FM lasted about about five seconds.

"I think that Kezia Dugdale's back benchers would like her to get all the way through all her questions without mentioning the position of the Labour Party," she said, flunking the test.

The Labour deputy then added her own bit of guff by claiming - in a chamber with three female party leaders - that "under the SNP, women are being locked out of the jobs of the future".

Ms Sturgeon shook her head with a "Dearie me".

Tory Ruth Davidson fared better exposing the FM's failure to deliver one of her promises as health secretary to cut A&E attendances, but bungled the follow-up by blaming drunk patients.

Willie Rennie talked about Fife. Someone has to.

Then, because everyone had rattled through their questions, the final quarter descended into a rambling blether on planning rules that would have disgraced a parish council.

As the clock ticked slower and slower, MSPs filled the void with ever more footling concerns.

"The FM may well be aware of a planning decision in Ayrshire that was famously known as the plot 9 decision," said Tory John Scott.

Well, if it wasn't famous before, it is now.

Ms Sturgeon said she would task a minister to discuss the case with Mr Scott ie Geez peace.

Not to be outdone, Nat Kevin Stewart announced there was "outrage in Aberdeen" over a decision to develop Marischal Square "against the feelings of the people of that great city".

How, he begged the FM, could we ensure people's views were taken into account "when councillors and others take decisions on planning".

Well, you ought to know mate, you used to be deputy leader of the council there.

When, finally, it was all over, Sir Lockwood was left to reflect on whether if it had been worth travelling half way round the world for.

You suspect he did not ponder long.