Tom Gordon
THERE’S no escaping Jeremy Corbyn at the moment. Like his tailor, resistance is useless.
The country’s most famous caretaker even hovered over FMQs, where his crowd-sourcing approach to questions was a running theme.
After a week of anniversary chat about the referendum, Labour’s Kezia Dugdale, more relaxed and effective than usual, asked Nicola Sturgeon if it wasn’t time “to move on”.
But the only place the FM was going was back in time, to the kneejerk insults of 2014.
“Labour and their friends in the Conservatives,” should wake up, she sneered. “Poll after poll puts support for this government in the low 50s and support for her party in the low 20s.”
Ok, let’s talk about polls then, fired back Ms Dudgale. “She might be popular in them, but her record isn’t. Her backbenchers will clap her, but just one person in three thinks that she has a good record on education.”
Ms Sturgeon bristled. “Kezia Dudgale clearly could not decide whether she wanted to ask about education or independence. Maybe she should have followed the example of her new leader and asked the audience.”
Ms Dugdale rolled her eyes. “That sounded like it had been emailed in by Alex from Strichen.”
As the chamber rang with laughter, Ms Sturgeon scribbled furiously in her notes, a grumpy 'tell' she shares with her predecessor. It got worse when she replied in kind.
“If Kezia Dugdale does not raise her own performance,” she chuckled with elephantine strain, “she will soon be going the same way as Jim from Eastwood.”
“It’s all in the delivery,” deadpanned Dennis Skinner-wannabe Neil Findlay.
After a mandatory reference to “Dave from Chipping Norton”, Tory Ruth Davidson asked if the Nats weren't just "scratching around, trying to find any imaginable excuse for a referendum rematch".
The FM puffed up like Lady Bracknell. “I cannot understand why anybody would have an problem whatsoever with having the issue driven by democracy,” she said indignantly.
Opposition MSPs groaned in disbelief. Wasn’t the issue decided democratically a year ago?
Alas, in the independence debate, democracy is a rather fluid concept.
To Yessers, it means ‘The people were confused, let’s consult them immediately’, while for Unionists it’s ‘The people were wise, God forbid we ever ask them again’.
Another five years of this stuff would test even St Jeremy's patience.
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