Tom Gordon
CHRISTMAS at Holyrood, like Christmas the world over, is a tense and bitter affair.
On the surface, it’s glad tidings and eggnog of course.
But behind the frozen smiles and novelty knits, the old age rows blaze with a special festive fury.
At FMQs, Nicola Sturgeon was the first to offer a fake Noel to one and all.
“I bring with me an early Christmas present for the Opposition,” she rasped, sounding as if she’d had holly for breakfast. “I am losing my voice.” That was as cheery as it got.
After another nod to the alien concept of goodwill, Kezia Dugdale got stuck in over education and Wednesday’s budget, in which John Swinney snatched £320m from councils.
Would any of the implied 15,000 job cuts affect schools? she wondered.
Ms Sturgeon lauded Scotland’s education record.
Why, only this week a big report said “we are above the international average when it comes to science and reading”.
The Labour leader looked colder than Scrooge’s fridge.
“Scotland used to boast it had the best schools in the world. Today, the First Minister tells us to be glad they’re ‘above average’. Is that really the extent of our ambition?”
As Ruth Davidson took her turn, the FM explained the origin of her sore throat.
“I had the pleasure of meeting the Prime Minister on Monday. All I will say is that when I went into Downing Street I did not have this stinking cold. I had it when I came out.”
“Another thing that is Westminster’s fault, First Minister,” deadpanned the Tory leader.
“I will tell l Dave to put the mistletoe away next time you visit.”
She then reminded the FM that during the referendum, the SNP claimed only independence could protect the NHS, yet Ms Swinney had just given it an extra £500m - within the Union.
“As it is the season of goodwill, I wonder whether the FM could, just once, find it within herself to accept that she and her colleagues got it wrong?”
Ms Sturgeon drily thanked her for “setting out quite eloquently how well the Government is doing. Thank you so much to Ruth Davidson for that vote of confidence."
Finally, there was the touching moment when Willie Rennie wished “everybody a good festive season” and got loudly booed for his trouble.
“I didn’t think Christmas would get heckled,” he frowned in surprise.
You’re a LibDem, Willie. You’d get heckled on your deathbed.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
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