SOMETIMES, and no one knows why, Holyrood’s politicians can actually be very serious.
It doesn’t last, of course. The place is back to being a cross between Tam Shepherd’s and a drunk tank in no time. But all the same, every now and then, maturity sneaks in the door.
Thus Tory leader Ruth Davidson silenced the chamber at FMQs with the shocking statistic that seven per cent of sentences for rape are non-custodial.
Wasn’t it time for a review of the SNP’s flawed community payback orders?
Nicola Sturgeon was equally solemn, but said sheriffs and judges, who generally had confidence in CPOs, had to be trusted to sentence criminals as they saw fit.
The rest of the session was thoroughly serious too, with considered points on public finances and mental health provision. It was if the usual cast had been body snatched.
As the baggage of office piled up around her, Ms Sturgeon was clearly itching to lash out.
And then, as if by magic, Kezia Dugdale appeared before her with a bullseye on her face.
As is standard, the Labour leader urged Ms Sturgeon to hike taxes.
“She put that proposition to the people of Scotland just four months ago and she is sitting on that side of the parliament because her party came third,” snorted the FM operatically.
“The Labour party is a complete and utter shambles!” Ah, she quivered, such sweet relief.
Then came the sapphic sandwich.
By which, obviously, we mean Ms Sturgeon getting caught in the war of words between Tory Annie Wells and SNP MP Joanna Cherry.
This started on Sunday, when Ms Cherry, who is gay, praised a comedy skit that referred to Ms Davidson as a “dyke” as “hilariously irreverent satire”.
Ms Wells, who is also gay, said such “homophobic slurs” were inexcusable.
“I agree,” said the FM, feigning not to know “specifically what comments Annie Wells is referring to”, before jeers prompted her instant recall of “the incident at the weekend”.
She then publicly pitted Ms Cherry. “I do not condone it,” she said of the “terminology”.
It was a rare win for Ms Wells given recent Tory efforts.
(I’m looking at you, Sir Edward Mountain. Back in your seat, Graham Simpson.)
If things go on like this, seriousness at Holyrood might even take off. God help us all.
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