A LATE entrant arrives for the most hypnotic/least effective political broadcast of the year, or possibly all time. It features Tory Alexander Burnett banging on about stuff next to a table covered in red squirrels. “It’s easy to get distracted,” says the Aberdeenshire West MSP as the rodents scamper around adorably. At the end of the 90-second clip, you realise you haven’t listened to a single word he’s said, but boy do you want one of those tree rats. It’s brilliant, but utterly useless. See for yourself at bit.ly/tuftytory

TENSE times at Holyrood this week, as the stall used by charities to inform passing MSPs was manned by former SNP candidate Toni Giugliano. This brought him face-to-face with Alex Cole-Hamilton, the LibDem who beat him in May. Relations between TG and ACH have never been glorious, but recently turned uber-frosty after SNP activists reported ACH to the police over his election expenses. So how did the showdown go? “All very cordial,” reports ACH through grinding molars. Well, the police are watching...

REGULAR Unspun readers have come to know and love the japes and foibles of Alan Roden, Scottish Labour’s John Barrowman-adoring, slip-on shoe-clad new spindoctor. We had hoped to bring you news Red Roddo’s latest exploits, but boss Kezia Dugdale tells us he’s gone all shy. “He wants just one week without a mention in the diary,” she confides. So fear not Roddo, we absolutely won’t mention you in this week’s diary. Promise. Oh, hang on...

AS the new guard replaced the old at the handover meeting of Labour’s NEC in Liverpool, Jeremy Corbyn paid tribute to outgoing legend Dennis Skinner. They only disagreed on one thing, recalled Corbyn. Skinner loves Coronation Street while Jez digs EastEnders. And Kezia? “I’m with Jez,” she reveals. There had to be a first time...

ALSO in Liverpool was Jackie Baillie, who despite being a Holyrood veteran had never been to UK Labour conference. Not only did she speak on the main stage, she also sold out a fringe at the legendary Cavern Club, birthplace of The Beatles. Our mole reports the MSP for Faslane was, however, gutted to learn there was no Trident on the Yellow Submarine.

THE Labour-led defeat of the SNP over hospital cuts on Wednesday brought out the worst in some MSPs, we hear. After the vote, Labour’s Anas Sarwar sidled up to health secretary Shona Robison to gloat. “What does it feel like to lose?” he smirked. “Well you should know,” Shona told the one-term ex-MP for Glasgow Central. Miaow! Watch those claws, people.

NO one could ever accuse Finance Secretary Derek Mackay of false modesty. Issuing the government’s annual accounts on Friday, he bragged it was “the eleventh consecutive year” Audit Scotland had given them a clean bill of health. However, not only did the accounts pre-date Dez getting the finance gig, those 11 consecutive years included two before the SNP were even in power.