WHAT a curious, rollercoaster existence Ruth Davidson must lead.
One day you’re receiving a standing ovation at the Tory conference in Birmingham, glowing with power, the next you’re back at Holyrood being told you’re radioactive with racism.
From legend to leper in 24 hours, it’s a funny old life.
In the wake of her party’s post-Brexit Ukipification, the Scottish Conservative leader didn’t stand a chance at FMQs, as everyone steamed in to denounce her repulsive tribe.
Take the gentle opening exchange, which is worth quoting in full.
Ms Davidson: “To ask the First Minister her engagements for the rest of the day.”
Nicola Sturgeon: “I welcome Ruth Davidson back from Birmingham. I hope she is thoroughly ashamed of the xenophobic rhetoric she was surrounded by over the past few days.”
And that was the high point. It was all downhill from there for Ruth ‘hug a bigot’ Davidson.
In vain, she tried to remind people she was not as bad as the toxic Tories of Brum. But her nervous tic was soon showing: she always takes a sip of water under pressure.
Yeah, yeah, replied Ms Sturgeon, “but she wants control over immigration to stay in the hands of the xenophobes, whereas I want it to come into the hands of this Parliament.” Sip.
LibDem leader Willie Rennie said the Tories were using EU citizens as Brexit negotiating chips, not treating them “with respect and dignity” like human beings. Sip, sip.
Nat Christina McKelvie started talking about prejudice. Sip, sip, sip. “The Tory conference saw the most disgraceful display of reactionary, right-wing politics in living memory.” Gulp!
Green MSP Ross Greer asked the FM if she’d support firms who refused to obey the “sinister” Home Office plan to count foreign workers and shame those not hiring enough Brits.
By now Ms Davidson’s water was gone except for a few tantalisingly distant beads.
Too right, replied Ms Sturgeon, the whole idea was “downright disgraceful and disgusting”.
The Tory leader desperately flicked her tongue into the glass like a lizard chasing an ant.
Finally, the FM said Ms Davidson should “go back to one of her previous positions” on Brexit and support the single market.
But the only position she was still capable of was the fetal one.
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