FORGET broken-down trains, saggy tunnel roofs, or leaves on the line. What really ruins Humza Yousaf’s day are the wrong kind of insults - the ones about him.
The transport minister’s emergency statement to MSPs about ScotRail was a fascinating turn.
After Dutch owners Abellio scratched back when Mr Yousaf suggested he might nationalise them out the picture, he was meek as a kitten toward them.
Not all was perfect, he mewed, but there had been a marked punctuality improvement of late, from a shabby 89.5 per cent to a stonking great 89.8 per cent.
Opposition MSPs did the math and tittered.
Mr Yousaf was contrite. To commuters and other chauffeur-less riff-raff, he said: “I’m sorry.”
Labour and Tory scalphunters had rather hoped he might add,“I’m off”, but it was not to be.
His over-rehearsed, sing-song delivery betrayed nerves but got him through his statement.
However after wittering on about “Paisley Canal electrification”, which sounded a most unwise experiment, he was badly inconvenienced by a flock of stray barbs.
“He said he’s not a transport expert and he’s right,” sniffed Labour’s Neil Bibby. Mr Yousaf was aghast. Commuters don’t want “petty, personal attacks towards me”, he said, before adding: “If he wants to make pathetic, personal, petty attacks on me, that’s fine.” Aye right, Minister.
Tory Annie Wells then suggested that if he couldn’t tame ScotRail, he’d never manage a public railway. “If he’s failing as a ticket examiner, why would he be any better as the driver?”
Mr Yousaf winced at “these petty, pathetic, personal attacks with no substance to them”, then sniped: “At least it was well read off her script.”
As petty attacks go, it was at best another 0.3 per cent improvement. But for now, like ScotRail, the Thin Skinned Controller trundles on.
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