REPORTS of Jim Murphy joining Tony Blair’s think tank reminded us of Dear Jim’s other jobs. Not only does the ex-Scottish Labour leader have his own consultancy, Arden Strategies, he also chairs Global Professional Publishing, which specialises in business titles such as Understanding Accounts. So wouldn’t it be embarrassing if the Companies House website had a big red exclamation mark next to Arden Strategies for overdue paperwork? Well, actually...

HISTORY was made at Holyrood’s justice committee on Tuesday: SNP uber-blether Stewart Stevenson was well and truly clamped. Giving evidence about the Crown Office, JP Sam McEwan objected to Mr Stevenson apparently gurning at him. “I was brought up not to make faces when other people are speaking,” he said coldly. When Mr Stevenson tried to chip in, Mr McEwan cut him dead. “You’re doing it again!” he snapped. McEwan 1 Stevenson 0.

IF you think people in politics are sad nerds, we have news. You’re dead right! A group of Labour wonks were cooing in the Holyrood bar on Thursday over the party’s new leaflet on rail fare freezes, which looks like an outsized ticket. ‘Ohh, curved edges,’ gasped one. ‘Must be 150 gsm paper,’ drooled another. When Unspun asked ironically about the font, press aide Kieron Higgins shot back “Calibri 13” with terrifying speed. Never out-sadded, political director Martin McCluskey then declared: “I have a coffee table book about Helvetica.” Enough said.

MR McCluskey also revealed another claim to geek fame, a silver Blue Peter badge. The reason? Like every 11-year-old, he wrote a stern letter about the under-representation of competition winners from Scotland and suggested the programme pick names using a PR system. Blue Peter mysteriously ended its correspondence with him soon afterwards.

DESPERATE guff award goes to the SNP Government’s ‘A Place in Europe’, their guide to “the historical, political and legal reasons why Scotland’s voice needs to be heard” after Brexit. Bizarrely, this defence of the EU single market included a reference to the horsehead nebula. It was discovered in 1888 by a Scot, so that makes it’s relevant, it seems. We hear Nat MSPs caught laughing at this tosh have been warned they may wake up with a nebula in their beds.

MORE news on backbench SNP recluse Fulton ‘No Show’ MacGregor. The lesser-spotted MSP held a public meeting last Saturday to plug independence. Twitter snaps showed just half a dozen cronies in attendance. “Photos don’t do justice!” he said. After blanking his hustings in May, it seems voters in Coatbridge are giving him a taste of his own medicine for Christmas.

AND finally, no political diary is complete without Donald Trump. UKIP’s Scottish MEP, David Coburn, assures us the president-elect will be “more of a Roosevelt than a Ronald Reagan”. You mean have four terms? “Oh no! That would be quite illegal. Unless he plans to start a world war…” We fear Mr Coburn may be too gaffe-prone even for the Trump camp.