CHRISTMAS looked in grave jeopardy for a while at FMQs, as MSPs took the last session before recess far too seriously. The First Minister was quizzed on storms, spending cuts and the financial incompetence of Scotland’s police force (Stitch up? Yes. Add up? No).
Even ‘Gentle Ken’ Macintosh got grouchy, cutting off Green Mark Ruskell in mid-flow.
To quote the official report. The Presiding Grinch: You cannot ask your question.
Members: It’s Christmas!
The Presiding Grinch: Mr Ruskell will be happy with that very sympathetic response.
As the seconds ticked down, it fell to Highland Tory toff Sir Edward Brian Stanford Mountain to rescue the festive spirit. It was nail-biting stuff. Despite owning several wooded postcodes, Sir Ed often sounds a few squirrels short of a forest. But Gump-like he came through in the end.
His question, he said as he lumbered to his feet, was “To ask the First Minister what action the Scottish Government is taking to support the Christmas tree industry?” Oh Rejoice! Hallelujah!
Nicola Sturgeon said she had “two home-grown trees in Bute House” and urged other folk to buy Scottish too, even if they didn’t happen to bunk in a taxpayer-funded Georgian mansion.
Sir Ed was “delighted” at this news, and pointed out 55 per cent of UK Christmas trees were grown in Scotland, “many on the Black Isle, which I represent / inherited”.
However, he warned darkly, the SNP had “missed its planting targets for the last three years”.
As Nat MSPs groaned like bellies on Boxing Day, the Presiding Grinch called for calm.
“I will repeat that, just in case members opposite, did not hear me,” sniffed Sir Ed. “Does the FM really believe the additional £4m in the Budget will be enough to make up the shortfall?”
Ms Sturgeon suggested the Tories were “relying on Santa” to find all the cash they wanted.
The SNP’s Graeme Dey then nipped in, saying he came “in the spirit of Christmas, which Edward Mountain was so uncharacteristically lacking”.
Did the FM welcome the community buy out of a pine forest at Loch Arkaig? he asked.
It was, he said, “another step along the road towards Scotland’s land being owned for the benefit of the many and not the few - something we know the Tories are so supportive of”.
At which even Mr Mountain’s frowning snowline melted into a smile.
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